Blood Ties
by This Taped Heart
Summary: Because of an ancient blood bond, Gemma and Kartik are left with no choice, love each other, or die apart – for their futures are now entangled tightly as ever.
1. Chapter 1

**Summary: Because of an ancient blood bond, Gemma and Kartik are left with no choice, love each other, or die apart – for their futures are now entangled tightly as ever.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own A Great and Terrible Beauty.**

**A/N: this story will switch POV between Gemma and Kartik**

**Chapter One**

Gemma 

It is our last night before we separate. Felicity and I are returning to Spence, and Ann is going to work as governess for her cousins. So here we are, gathered in Fee's bedroom, grasping hands and getting ready to visit the realms one last time before Ann is gone.

I picture the door of light in my mind, and with in seconds, I open the door to the realms.

The warmth of the sun shines down on the three of us. We stand there for a second, just listening to the water rushing in the stream, and the songs of young maidens singing in the garden. It is only our second time visiting the realms since I bound the magic to myself. I can't help the wide grin that I feel spreading across my face.

Felicity and Ann squeal, grabbing me into a hug. We skip over to the stream, wading in.

"Hey Gemma!" Ann says, and I turn to face her – and she splashes water all over me. The second I splash her back, I know this is going to turn in to a full-blown water fight.

Much later, we able ashore, drenched and laughing. I lay down on the grass. Warmth. Dryness. I think the words and concentrate hard. I can feel that my cloths are no longer wet, and my goose bumps have disappeared.

I look to the stream, wear Ann sits, her feet dangling into the water. She sang a sad song, and I knew, from the wistful look on her face, that she was thinking of her cousins. She wouldn't be able to visit the realms with Fee and me for a long time once we were off at Spence.

Fee is off practicing her archery, which she's been dying to do for the longest time.

I feel a pang of jealousy. Ann and Fee can go right back to enjoying the realms as they had before. But I could not. I would never get to see my mother again. If she could see what I've done and accomplished in the realms, would she be proud? Or would I just be another disappointment? I had to hope for the former.

As I lay there, I let my thoughts wander to Kartik. I know where he was hiding, but have not spoken to him since the day I asked for his allegiance to the realms – to me. Remembering his beautiful features and perfect lips – the way he had kissed me – sent me longing to see him again.

But I was snapped out of my reverie by Felicity, waving her hand in front of my face. "Gemma! Hello! Are you with us? It's about time to go."

Ann ran into me, catching me into a hug. "Oh Gemma! I'm going to miss the realms and you so much! Promise you'll come visit me when you can?" Ann asked, her eyes filling with tears.

"Of course!" I say, my own eyes tearing up as well. I'm going to miss Ann dearly.

Soon we were all hugging and crying, because things would not - could not - be the same any longer.

"Gemma," Fee said, wiping the tears from her face, "When we go back, will we be able to do magic?"

Would we? That was something that I hadn't thought about. Then an idea came to me. "Grab my hands," I told them. They each took hold of one of my hands. I concentrate hard on the magic inside of me. Then a familiar, warm, tingling sensation rushes through my body.

Ann and Felicity feel it too. I can tell by looking at their pleasured expressions. I open the door of light, and walk through to our world. We find ourselves once again sitting hand in hand in Felicity's bedroom. I can feel the buzz of excitement that the three of us share. All of my senses are sharp, because of the magic.

"What should we do tonight?" asks Felicity.

"Let's go body surfing down the river!" Ann is quite brave when she has the magic in her, and as crazy as the idea sounds, it was great fun the last time we tried it.

We glide down to the river, lying down in the icy cold river. The water brings a refreshing shock, but my adrenaline keeps me warm enough. We push off the shore, and rapids take hold of our bodies, pulling us down the river at top speed.

We whoop and scream, taken up in the excitement of the ride. We finally climb out, sopping wet and frozen to the bone, but laughing and joyful all the same. I reach for Ann and Fee, focusing my thoughts on warmth and dryness, and in a second, we are warm and dry. I can feel the magic wearing down, and tiredness sinking in.

"I think we should head home." Ann says to Felicity, stifling a yawn. Fee scowled, but followed her, since Ann was staying at her house.

"Thanks Gemma" Felicity says, "Do you need an escort home?"

"No, I have a bit of magic left and I should get home quick enough." I go to embrace Ann, knowing that it may be a long while before I see her again. "I'll miss you! And Ann, take care OK?"

"I will miss you so much!" She declared, and began sobbing again. I kiss her on the cheek, then turn to leave, waving. I was planning on heading strait home, but Kartik's face popped into my head. I realized that the place he was hiding was just a few blocks away. What could be the harm in a quick visit?

Turning down the alley leading to the pub - where Kartik was staying in the back room - triggered my memories of why ladies should not be without an escort in this area.

My heartbeat quickened, and I began to quicken my steps. Then I noticed a figure walking towards me. I could tell from the person's build that it was a man. His steps were unsteady and swaggering. A drunk.

My heart raced as the man got closer, but he seemed oddly familiar. Soon his face was all too recognizable. It was Simon Middleton, and he was a mess. His hair was messy and tangled, his cloths were dirty and tattered, and his face looked as though he had not shaved in a long while.

"Simon?" I call out timidly. He staggers over, his face red and angry. "You." he says with disgust.

I shrank back. I looked at him closer, realizing he had a knife. "Thisisyourfault!" his words were slurred together and hard to make out. "Why don't you love me? Why the filthy Indian boy and not me?" He was shouting now, his eyes glinting with anger and menace, but I could see the hurt hidden behind the anger. I had not realized how hurt he was by my rejection. I thought that he would move on, find a girl who would be perfect for him and his family. But apparently he had not.

The next thing I knew his face was inches from mine. Too close, much too close. I could smell the alcohol and drugs on his breath, and tried not to gag. Before I knew what was happening, he had me cornered, and was roughly smashing his lips against mine. His lips forced my mouth open and his hand had wondered to the ties of my dress.

I struggled against his grip trying to escape. This couldn't be happing! I have to get away from him. "Get the hell off of me!" I gasp. I see a glint of light from the moon reflecting off of the knife he still holds in his hands. The last thing I felt was a sharp, dizzying pain in my side. Then blackness.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

3 Mirage

Please Review! Let me know your thoughts on my first chappie. I am really excited about this story, and have some big plans for it. lol 


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own A Great and Terrible Beauty. (No matter how much I wish I did.)**

**A/N: This ones a bit short, but I hope you like it!**

**Chapter 2**

**Kartik.**

I lay in bed, feeling the sunlight streaming in through the small window in my room. What time is it? It feels like afternoon, but I can't be sure. I stayed awake much to long last night, drinking and wallowing in my own self-pity. I stand up, much to quickly. Everything goes fuzzy before coming back into focus. My head pounds – the result of a hangover from a bit too much beer last night. But there's nothing I can do about it now.

I rummage through my drawers and shelves, looking for some pain medication. Then, I remember that I had used the last of it just a few nights previously. Bloody hangover. I am a disaster and a mess, and I know it to. I've given up everything, my life of training, and my dream to be in the Rakshana, all for one girl that I haven't seen in weeks. Stupid Kartik.

Gemma Doyle is constantly on my mind. Her beautiful red hair and striking green eyes. But was she really worth giving up my place in the Rakshana? Yes. Of course she was. But that is not always how I feel. After a few drinks to make my thinking unreliable, the answer was always no. The Rakshana was all I had ever wanted for myself, something I had spent my whole life training for, and now it was gone, all due to a split second decision. Life was not fair.

I sit on a stool in front of the bar. "Any food left Bill?" I call back to the bar tender.

"Nope, the men last night ate me clean out of food."

Just my luck. My stomach rumbles with hunger. Most people say that hangovers make their stomach reject food, but it always makes me even hungrier. I might as well go out and grab some food somewhere else. I rush back to my room to get dressed – pulling my hat low and my shirt collar up, to hide my face from any members of the Rakshana who very well may be lurking around.

As I head out the door, and down the alley was, I notice a figure lying motionless on the ground. I laugh to myself at how often I see someone passed out alongside the road. But as I grow closer, my laugh gets caught in my throat, for the road is covered in sticky red blood coming from the poor soul laying there, probably dead.

I quicken my steps and approach the body, realizing with horror, that it is a woman. She had been striped of her clothing, which was nowhere to be found. Her side had been brutally sliced open, blood spread all around her. Several more cuts and bruises cover her arms and neck.

Finally, I get close enough to see the girl's face, and my heart stops cold, because I know this girl. It's Gemma. My Gemma, lying dead on the streets. I feel my legs give out from under me, and I find myself kneeling next to her.

Then, I notice her chest rise and fall - just slightly. She's breathing, and it must be a miracle! I put my ear to her chest, hoping to hear a heartbeat. Listening closely I hear a soft _thump…thump…thump._ She is alive! But her heartbeats are soft, and much to slow. I know that she must have lost a lot of blood. Too much.

"Gemma?" I whisper. She takes another breath. "Gemma!" I shout, my confidence growing. But she does not answer.

She had lost so much blood I don't know what to do. I could not call the police, for they would surely suspect me, as I am at the scene of the crime and they will want to have someone to convict. After all it would be an Indian's word against their "evidence."

One thing I am sure of. I have to save her, all I can see now is that she needs blood, and lots of it.

What had the Rakshana taught me to do? Through my panic, I cannot remember a thing. I gently lift her motionless body, carrying her back to my room in the pub. Billy didn't even notice, he was busy taking care of other things.

I lay Gemma down on my bed. I rummage through my various first aid items that had accumulated over the years. And I finally find what I need. A knife. I cannot explain my actions, the need to help Gemma fills up my every thought, and I can't think clearly.

I take up the knife and brace my self for the pain. I quickly slit open the artery in my wrist, and blood rushes out, dark red and splatters all over the floor. I gasp with pain, but I don't forget the purpose of doing this. I rush over to Gemma, holding my bleeding wrist over her open wounds. What I am doing does not make sense, not even to me, but I continue with only the thought to get some much needed blood into her.

I watch as my blood fills the gash in her side, it is warm against her cold skin. I move my wrist to her mouth and the blood trickles down her throat. It's making a huge mess, blood covers my bed sheets and drips onto the floor. Looking at my blood covering Gemma's body makes me light headed, and the rusty, salty smell makes me gag.

To tell the truth, I don't know when to stop. I wait until the pain is almost unbearable, and I become dizzy from my own blood loss. I step away from her body, wrapping my wrist with a piece of ripped sheet, to stop the blood flow.

I fumble for the needle and thread that I had just lain out. I've never been that great at sewing up wounds, but if Gemma is to heal then I have to sew them up.

Finally I am finished, and I take a rest, still feeling a bit lightheaded from giving her so much of my blood. Now I have time to think, and questions flood my mind. Who had done this to her? How could she still be alive? What would she think, when she woke up here, with her cloths gone. Had she been...raped? I winced at my last question. I'm pretty sure I know the answer, but I don't want to believe it.

I did know, however, that Gemma would not be pleased if she woke up completely naked. I dress her in on of my shirts and a pair of trousers. I have to admit I do not want to cover up her beautiful body, but at least she would wake up with cloths on.

I pull a stool over to her beside, keeping a constant vigil on her, looking for signs of consciousness. Her eyelids are open, as if she is dead, but her green eyes mesmerize me - still so bright and fierce. Her lips are red and full, though still had some dried blood caked on them. I had cleaned most of it off. I notice her face had gained some color and sigh with relief.

I can't say what has come over me, but I have a sudden urge that I cannot hold back. Or maybe it's just that I don't want to hold back. I lean over, kissing her cool lips, pressing my mouth to hers, and feeling like maybe, just maybe Gemma and I are meant to be.

I pull back, a bit embarrassed, though no one would ever know what I had just done. Not even Gemma. I wonder what she would say to me if she somehow found out. Sighing, I push her to the side a bit and lay down next to her, just as I had imagined doing so many times before. And before I know it, I am fast asleep.

xxx

Waking up next to Gemma is like a dream. Though she remained unconscious I can hear her breathing deeply. I wonder what she is dreaming about. She looks so peaceful lying there, her pale skin contrast to her red lips, making her beauty stand out even more. I am sure that if her eyes were open, they would be sparkling like gems.

I take care of her all day long, nursing her wounds, and checking her pulse and breathing, things that I learned to do during my time with the Rakshana. I am no doctor, but I think she will live.

Then, finally, her eyelids flutter open. She looks around confused, and wide-eyed, before crying out in pain. Or fear. I am not sure which.

xxx

** 3Mirage. **

**Please Review! Did you like/hate? I know it was short, and I am hoping to get some longer chapters up. Also, I am gonna work on my profile in just a minute, so if you want to check it out it should be done.**

**Does anyone know the exact release date of The Sweet, Far Things? I am dying to know!!!!!!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own A Great and Terrible Beauty.**

**A/N: Thanks for all of the lovely reviews! They make me feel like I am not just writing this story to myself! Lol. Ever heard the band Jack's Mannequin??? I am totally rocking out to their CD while I write this story! Jk.**

Chapter 3 Gemma 

I open my eyes, and the first thing I notice is a sharp, searing pain enveloping my entire body. I look around my surroundings to see a blurred, yellow painted wall, with chipping paint. This place almost looks familiar, but I can not figure out where I am.

A fresh wave of pain comes over me, and I hear a strange raspy cry – before I realize that it is I making that painful sound. I try to move, to get up and figure out where I am and what has happened to me, but I am sore everywhere, and moving just the slightest bit causes me immense pain.

Then I notice a dark figure, standing frozen at the other end of the room, just watching me with his wide brown eyes and a shocked expression. I recognize this person immediately.

"Kartik," my voice cracks as I say his name, and suddenly I understand the situation. Memories of the other night flood my mind, looking for Kartik…Simon…pain…and then nothing. Kartik must have found me.

Within seconds he is at my side. "Gemma!" he whispers, a smile cracking on his face. "Your awake."

I almost make a sarcastic response to that, because it's obvious that I am awake. But he looks worried, and I manage to hold back. Instead, I ask him, "What happened?" Had he found me unconscious on the street? Or had someone taken me to him? Though I couldn't imagine whom.

His smile faded, and he looked hesitant to answer, but he went ahead, speaking slowly. "I found you in the morning, laying on the street, in, well, pretty bad condition. I brought you back here to care for you."

He said it so simply, like it was no big deal, but I felt like he was holding something back. Then I remember how, just before I'd gone unconscious, Simon had been reaching for the ties on my dress. A blush creeps up my face at the very memory. I look down and my fears are practically confirmed.

"Were are my cloths!" I shriek.

Now it's his turn to look embarrassed. He frowns, pursing his lips into a tight, angry line. "I don't know."

"HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY NOT KNOW!" I am yelling now, frantic, just hoping that he would say that he had taken them for cleaning, anything but what I am dreading. Please don't let him tell me they were gone when he found me.

But Kartik just shakes his head sadly. And the sick truth is confirmed. "They were gone when you found me weren't they." I ask, trying to hold back a whimper. "And...He raped me didn't he." I am hardly above a whisper, but he hears me.

"I don't know." was all he could offer me. But a girl just knows these things, and I knew for certain that Simon Middleton had just taken the one thing that I could never get back. My virtue. I've heard stories about women who've gotten raped, but never thought to much of it. After all, what were the chances that that would happen to me?

I look up at Kartik, almost expecting sympathy, but I should have known better. He looked at me angrily. "What were you thinking?!" His disappointment in me shone bright in his eyes. "Why were you out all alone in the middle of the night?" Did you not believe me about how dangerous it is around here with out an escort?"

"I am sorry." I say. He's right, of course. And maybe, if I'd had just a little more magic left, and had actually thought to use it, none of this would have happened.

"You are lucky to be alive. Who ever did this to you meant for you to die. They must have even thought you were dead, or they wouldn't have left you."

"I know who did this." I tell him. "Simon." It hurts to say it out loud, to truly acknowledge that it was Simon. The man I had once loved. I had thought he was a perfect Gentleman, I had even thought that he was to good for me. I was all wrong about him, yet somehow, I couldn't hate him. I still cared for him, and sometimes, good people made bad mistakes. That had to be the case for Simon. I had to believe that.

"But why would Simon do this to you." He spat out the word Simon, making it sound like a curse word.

"Because I didn't love him. I didn't choose him." I look at Kartik as I say that, wondering if he knows whom I would choose instead. "So he made me love him." I can feel a tear run down my cheek, splashing on to the bed cushion. I try again to stand, but the pain is too much.

I decide to inspect the damage, rolling the sleeves and sides of the shirt. It's hard just to look at the numerous cuts and bruises covering me, especially the large gash in my side, crudely sewed up by Kartik. Looking away, I realize something. "It must have been the magic that saved me!" I wonder aloud. And as I say it, I know that it must be true. "Or else I surely would have died." I add.

Kartik's face pales. "The magic?" he asks, his voice low and urgent.

"Yes. I had just recently gotten back from the realms when I decided to visit you. I must have had some magic left to keep me alive."

I see his eyes widen with some sudden realization. "Bloody hell." he mutters to himself. Then to me says, "Please excuse me for just a little while. You're safe here." Before dashing out the door.

I try to figure out what's wrong, and where he is going, but I cannot quite comprehend his odd actions. Did something I say offend him? But I can't think of anything that would make him worry. Then I happen to glance up at the calendar, and realize with shock I'd been here for two days! Grandmama and Tom would be looking for me. Maybe they had even notified Father, at the Sanitarium. I have got to get home to them.

I stagger up from my bed, forgetting about my injuries until a sharp pain jabs at my body and my legs give out from under me, sending me tumbling to the ground.

I pull myself up, this time bracing myself for the pain, and find that it is barely tolerable. I limp out of the room, trying to concentrate on something other that my hurting body. The bartender sees me walking out of Kartik's room, and raises an eyebrow, obviously wondering what Kartik and I had been doing in there. Ignoring him, I hobble out the door, and when I get to the main road, I wave down a cab.

The cab drives me home, and I knock on the door of my house. When Grandmama opens the door, she lets out a squeal of surprise, ushering me into the house.

"Oh Gemma! You gave us all such a scare!" Then she freezes up, looking me up and down, and I realize to late, that I am still wearing Kartik's shirt and trousers.

"What on Earth are you doing wearing those cloths?! Go change immediately." Hey eyes have turned cold and hard, and her hurt expression is easy to read. She is getting a very wrong idea.

"Oh Grandmama, it's not what you think." I say, trying to think up a quick story, but nothing comes to me, so I decide to just edit the truth a bit. "I was mugged, and a kind Gentleman found me and took care of my injuries."

Hey eyes soften, and a look of worry replaces the hard look that had just moments ago filled her face. If only she knew the whole story.

"Injuries?" she asks. Concern evident in her voice.

I lift up my shirt just enough to reveal the bruises and gashes left in my skin. Then I point out the bruises that Simon's fingers had left around my neck. I hear Grandmama let out a gasp. And now, looking at the damage again, I have to bite my cheeks to hold back tears. They hurt a lot, and Grandmama's concern and comforting voice are almost too much to bear.

"Oh my!" she exclaims in horror, "We have to get you to a hospital!"

"No, no I am going to be just fine. The man stitched me up well enough. A bit of rest will have me healed up just fine." I do not want to go to the hospital, because it will arouse questions. As angry as I am about Simon doing this to me, I don't want him to get in trouble with the law.

"Who is this man? We must pay him back for his kindness." I can't help but notice the glint in her eye. She probably wishes it were some handsome young man who would come calling on me. Ha! What would she say if she knew it was Kartik - an Indian? What would she say if she knew my feelings about my wonderful Indian?

I hope she does not notice me hesitate in my answer, "I don't know. He wouldn't come in. But I assure you that I didn't leave with out plenty of thank you's."

Grandmama seemed relieved by this, and she obviously bought into my story. I am getting pretty good at lying.

"Off to bed then Gemma! I am going to call your Father and Tom, they've been worried sick." she said, bustling out of the room.

I limp up the stairs to my bedroom, feeling truly tiered, even though I'd spent the past day asleep. Just as I was about to collapse onto my bed, I notice a folded piece of paper sitting on my pillow. I warily pick up the note, and carefully unfold it. I instantly recognize Kartik's handwriting. What could possibly be wrong now?

Gemma, I have made a grave mistake that, unfortunately involves the both of us. I need to speak with you as soon as possible.

I sigh, knowing that I should go to him right away, he would probably be waiting right outside for me. But tiredness took over my thoughts, and soon I lay fast asleep on my bed.

**xxx ****Kartik**

I wait all night for Gemma to meet me, but the foolish girl obviously does not understand the words "as soon as possible."

After the initial shock of my discovery wore off, all I could think of was how Gemma would respond when I told her the news. Would she be angry? Would she even believe me? Somehow I doubt that she will, so strange is my discovery, but once I show her my proof, there is no way to contradict it.

So I wait for her outside until sun up, but she still doesn't show. Then finally, just before noon, she steps outside. Her red hair catches the sunlight, and her piercing green eyes sweep the yard, looking for me.

Terrible guilt overcomes me, because I realize that I have doomed her to an eternity of now choice, and the worst part would be telling her.

She catches sight of me sitting behind the stables and heads over my way.

"So what's the big emergency?" Her sarcasm seems to have returned.

Why does she resent me so? "What part of 'as soon as possible' don't you get?" I come back with.

"I couldn't come out last night." she says simply. No explanation, and it is killing me to know why? Was she in too much pain? Did she now want to see me?

"Can you come with me, just for a while?" I ask. Her eyes narrow, and I know what she's thinking. Alone? I can almost see the word forming in her brain. "It is urgent." I add, hoping to sound convincing.

"I cannot just leave. Grandmama will come out looking for me."

"So...tell her you're dropping off a letter to Mrs. Worthington at the post office."

She glares at me, the stomps off, I assume to inform her Grandmama about her outing. And sure enough, she's back in a few minutes.

I hitch up the carriage and help her in. I take up the reins, and we're off. Off to the place where Gemma will learn of her inevitable destiny.

**xxx**

**Mirage**

**Please Review! Hope you liked this chappie! What does Kartik have to tell Gemma? I bet you guys could guess it. lol! Anyways, just so you know, you wont be hearing from Kartik for a while, because the next few chappies need to be done in Gemma's POV.**

**Oh yes, for those of you who like the book Twilight, I wrote a (pretty crappy) one-shot for it. But it could use some love anyways.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I do not own a great and terrible beauty. **

**Chapter 4 - Gemma **

We take off in the carriage, though our destination I do not know. Kartik wears his irritation plain on his face. What is his big problem anyway? What could I have done or said to make him so nervous? I can think of nothing.

We turn sharply down a dimly light alley (is it just me or am I spending a lot of time in dark alleys?) and Kartik stops the carriage.

"Oi!" he calls into the darkness as I have seen him do many times before, "Who 'ere can watch me carriage fer a few pence?"

A few dirty, gangly teenage boys step out of the streets and offer their services. He hands them each a small coin, and they jump into the carriage, keeping watch.

I am led to a door at the way back of the alley, and Kartik cautiously knocks. When no one answers, extreme relief washes over his features, and already he looks more relaxed. He picks open the lock and steps in ahead of me. I can hear him fumbling around for a light switch. When the room finally lights up, I see that it is a kind of library. Its walls are lined with shelves carrying tons of thick dusty books.

"What is this place?" I'm not sure why I'm whispering - there is no one around to overhear us.

"It's a private library. Only members of the Rakshana know of it. Technically, I'm not allowed to use it, but people rarely come here, and this-" he pauses, "is an emergency."

My face must show my confusion because Kartik, after studying me for a minute, frowns deeply. I can't help thinking how hot Kartik looks when he pouts.

"I have made a really bad mistake." he says slowly, choosing his words carefully. I can tell how hard it is for him to admit that he's done something wrong. "I am not sure how you'll take it, but you have to hear me out, alright?"

I nod. It is rare that Kartik is this open with me, and I don't want him to close up. I don't want that awkward distance to come back. At least, not for now.

"Remember when you were hurt and I took you to my room?" he asks. How could I forget? I run my finger over the cuts on my arms, wincing at the pain that followed my touch. "You had lost so much blood. You were so pale. So I gave you some of my blood. A lot actually." he shakes his head sadly. Where is he going with this? Is he regretting helping me? Does he wish he hadn't given me his blood?

"If you hadn't had the magic in you at the time everything would be fine. But I didn't know..." he trails off. It seems as though he is no longer talking to me, but for his benefit. Trying to justify himself for whatever he'd done. "My blood mixing with yours formed an ancient blood tie between us. The magic, plus the fact that you are of the order and I was of the Rakshana means that because my blood now flows in your veins, our futures are now one. They are so tightly tangled together..." he trails off.

I have to hold back my laughter because Kartik seems so serious. How can he say such things with a strait face? There is no way I have some ancient blood bond with Kartik. What does that even mean? But then, a small corner of my mind tells me that he's telling the truth, and if he was, then this was a disaster. I pinch myself trying to wake up from whatever strange sort of dream this is. But I don't wake up. This is no dream, and if it is, then I'm stuck in it.

"Gemma. There's more," he says, a blush creeping up into his cheeks. He obviously does not want to tell me the rest. He takes a big breath before starting. "Since the Order and Rakshana were once lovers, we have a lovers bond. It will require us to - to have the interaction of lovers to survive. Physical interaction I mean." His face was now a dark crimson, and though I could see how hard this was for him, I could not feel a bit sorry for anyone but myself.

Now I have to believe him. No way would Kartik say something like that, even for a joke. This was a disaster. It couldn't be true. Kartik does not love me, and I do not want to spend my life with a man who only loves me because he has to. What kind of life would that be? And what exactly does physical interaction mean? Do we simply have to be near each other, or... I can't bear to even think it. Would I be forced to show love to Kartik when he doesn't even love me? My head is spinning, and all of the sudden I feel sick.

"I am sorry." He says quietly. He doesn't want this either. He goes to a shelf, pulling out a thick book. The cover is so worn I can barely read the title. I look closer, and I see the faded title written in gold print. **Blood Ties**. Kartik opes the book to a marked page, pointing out a passage for me to read.

_D'amants__ - This blood tie is formed when one of the order, containing the legendary magic, and one of the Rakshana's blood is mixed. This bond gives the two the need to be close and to indulge in sexual action, so as to keep the two lovers relationship thriving. The two persons will also have to ability to sense the others feelings. The downside of this bond is that if the two are separated to too long of a time, immense physical pain will occur._

It was confusing, and the book does not explain well, but I know one thing - I want nothing to do with this. How could someone write such a horrible thing as if it were some science project and not someone's life being changed forever? We are not even lovers, how can we share a lovers bond?

"Take me home." I hiss. I can here the menace in my voice. But he deserves it for doing this to me.

"Gemma, this is something you will have to accept eventually."

"I will not. You can't make me." I sound like a child, but I don't care. "You don't love me, and I am not going to spend my life pretending that you do."

"Gemma. I do love you." Kartik said softly. He was never that bold, but the circumstance called for action. He had to convince her to accept the bond, or things would get bad. He wasn't really lying, he did care for her.

"You are just saying that to help yourself! It is not true!" I shout. He has never and will never love me, and that I am convinced of.

I walk outside, slamming the door behind me. I know my anger at Kartik is unreasonable, I doubt he wants this more that I do, but I need someone to direct my anger at.

Kartik follows after me. "Let me drive you home." he insists. I do not need him to remind me what happened last time I went out alone, so I grudgingly agree.

We drive home in awkward silence. I am pouting so much that I do not notice the hurt so clearly displayed across Kartik's face. I do not notice how he is trying to hide his feelings, and keep in the tears. I am so blinded by my self-pity that I don't even realize that Kartik is having a hard time with this too.

We arrive in front of my house and I step out of the carriage, stomping up to the house. I lay down on my bed thinking about all of the things that Kartik has told me today. It's not true...But even as I tell myself that, I know that it is very true. Maybe I would learn to except it, but right now I want to pretend that today never happened, that I know nothing of the realms, that Simon had never hurt me. So many things that I want to forget about, if just for today.

Tomorrow I return to Spence, and I suppose I shall just wait until the pain of separation comes. Literally.

**xxx**

Victoria station was crowded, thick with people and smoke from the train engine. Newsboys walked about with stacks of today's paper, shouting, "Extra, extra, read all about it!" A typical day for the rest of the world, but for me, today was a marker in history.

How could it not be? I'd just found out that I have some strange blood bond, and that my life may never be the same again. Yet I was functioning, treating today like any other. Even though my mind is busting with anxiety.

I kiss Tom good-bye, and wave to him as I board the train. The inside is stuffy, and packed with people of all ages. I choose an empty compartment, sliding in onto the leather seats. Their cool, waxy covers are calming. I crack open the window to let in some fresh air.

The trains whistle sounds, warning everyone that it will be leaving the station any minute now.

A man runs through the doors just as they close, and the train engine starts up. The train gives two more screaming whistles before taking off. Speeding by towns and farmland, all a blur through my window.

I feel a mixture of relief and sadness wash over me. Soon I'll be with Felicity and back at Spence, which I have come to love. But Kartik remains here, where I cannot see him. Maybe that's a good thing, because I won't have to deal with all of his blood tie nonsense.

The thought had no sooner formed in my head, then I hear someone slide open the glass door to my compartment. It was a man with dark curly hair, long eyelashes, and beautiful full lips. Kartik. But what was he doing here, right after I'd decided it was best to be away from him?

I am sure that my expression at the moment is priceless: I feel my mouth dropping open and the blood draining from my face.

Without saying a word, he slides into the seat next to mine. My mouth is still hanging ajar as he smiles slightly and says hello.

I just stare at him. "Why are you here?" I demand when I come to my senses. I know I am being rude, but at the moment I just don't care.

"To help you. Did you think that just because I am no longer assigned to you that I am not going to keep an eye on you anyway?"

That was exactly what I'd thought, but I wasn't about to let him know that. It was almost a relief to know he would be at Spence with me. Almost, because hadn't I, just a few minutes ago, decide I could live without him?

"Plus there's the blood tie that we will eventually have to tend to." I glare at him. He is being quite bold today, and I'm not sure that I like this side of him very much.

I feel my stubbornness kicking in, and without much thought, I say, "You don't really believe in that blood tie rubbish, do you?"

He purses his lips angrily, and I immediately regret saying anything. I can feel any openness between us disappear as he frowns and looks away from me.

"I'm glad you can laugh about it, because you'll find soon enough that it is no joke." He says. The way he says it scares me, and my uneasiness is hanging thick in the air.

We travel the rest of the distance in silence, Kartik seeming lost in thought. I spend the entirety of the ride trying to imagine what he is thinking of.

We finally pull into the train station, and Kartik lifts up his single bag. "Remember, I will be watching." He says, before quickly exiting the train.

I haul my two suitcases full of clothing off of the baggage rack, and follow the flow of passengers off of the train.

I look around at the crowd, all-waiting for their friends or family to step off the train. I resist the urge to look for Kartik, and finally spot a man holding up a sign with my name on it. I walk over to him, hoping that this is the cab driver Tom had arranged to pick me up.

"Hello Sir, are you Mr. Lucas?" I ask the man, as politely as I can.

"I sure am," he replies, "and you must be Mr. Gemma Doyle, am I correct?"

I nod, and follow the man to his cab. We set off towards Spence, and the silence is so loud that it's killing me. There's something I've come to hate about silence – things that you'd rather not think about always come to mind. Kartik and the blood tie hover in my mind, and my fears about it resurface. What if it is real? What if it does require physical contact, in a way deeper that just being together?

Then memories of the night with Simon haunt me, bringing back the fear and dread I had felt that night. I am about to scream my memories are so vivid. But we arrive in front of Spence just in time. Other, more prominent – for the moment – thoughts take the place of the bad ones. Like, what am I going to tell Fee? I think this time I'll give her the truth.

I step out of the cab, walking to the large wooden front doors wit Mr. Lucas in tow, carrying my bags. He knocks on the door and Bridget answers, pulling me into a bone crunching hug.

"Oi! Ms. Doyle! Ms. Worthington 'as been so anxious abou' yeh!"

It was so unusual to get any sign of affection from Bridget, so I assume that most everyone here knows of my disappearance.

I head into the great hall, where I know all of the girls will be before heading off to bed. The moment I step in the room, Felicity dashes over, pulling me into a hug and kissing me boldly right smack on the lips.

"Oh Gemma! You scared me so much! Where were you? Are you alright?" she floods me with so many questions it shall take years to answer them all.

She drags me into her tent in the corner of the room, the one where Fee, Ann, Pippa and I used to gather and read from Mary Dowds diary. I am so happy to see Felicity that I don't ever mind her pushy flow of questions.

I tell her all about what Simon did to me, and about how Kartik saved me, pausing for a moment before explaining about the blood tie that Kartik claims we have.

Fee gaps, horrified, "Gemma! Shouldn't you be with him right now? Don't you have to fulfil your blood tie?"

"You can't honestly believe there's a blood tie, can you Fee? He's got to be making it up, or he's fooled himself!" I laugh, trying to convince myself that it's just a joke, which is a hard thing to do when the truth is staring you right in the face.

Felicity shakes her head sadly. "Promise you'll tell me if you're in pain?"

"Promise." I say, shaking her pinky.

**xxx **

Breakfast is a happy affair, at least for me it is. Even Cecily gives me a welcome back, though she doesn't look particularly glad to see me.

I share a room with Fee now, sense Ann and Pippa are both gone, and I hope that seeing her so often will not tire me of her presents.

We walk across the school grounds, and I can not help but feel my mood brighten in the crisp, cool air and colorful fall leaves.

Of course, happiness doesn't last forever. My mood considerably darkens upon entering French class.

"Bonjour classe, ca va?" Mademoiselle Le Farge says as we enter the room. Everyone answers in with "bien," in perfect union.

I am the first one she picks on today, probably due to my absence the past few days. She is asking me about my vacation from Spence, I think, but the French words to answer her don't form in my head.

I mumble something about a nice holiday, she frowns, but moves on to someone else. Felicity sends me a smirk, and childishly, I stick my tongue out at her. We both break out into giggles, suppressing them as best we can.

Cecily turns around with an annoyed expression on her face, shushing us before turning her attention back to Mademoiselle Le Farge. This, of course, sends the two of us into uncontrollable laughter that not even the warning glance from Mademoiselle Le Farge can stifle.

Back in our own room, I change into my nightgown in front of the mirror. For the millionth time I wonder what it is about me that Kartik doesn't like. Maybe it's my too broad shoulders, or my hardly controlled fiery hair. When I bring my concerns up to Felicity, she tells me that I am to hard on myself. But that's easy for her to say, with her petite figure and beautiful blonde hair. It's different for me.

"I have an idea!" exclaims Felicity. From the wild glint in her eyes I know she is up to something, and whatever it is, I will end up going along with it. "We should go to our cave tonight, and have a sort of memorial to Pippa and Ann!"

"Now?" as much as I hate to admit it, it's actually a good idea. But not for tonight, tonight I just want to sleep.

"Oh come on Gemma, don't be a spoil sport!" The way she looks at me wins me over, just as I knew it would.

We sneak down the steps and out the doors, quiet as possible, though still making quite a bit of noise. I hope Mrs. Nightwing remembered to drink her sherry tonight.

We go to the caves and light the candle that had always been a part of our ritual. The flickering candle light cast creepy shadows on the walls of the cave.

In silence I take the amulet off of my neck, and we each slice a finger with it. I smear my blood – Kartik's blood – on Felicity's cheeks, as she does to mine.

Fee begins speaking, "The New Order is here today to acknowledge two of its members that have left us. Pippa and Ann." She says, tears streaming down her face. "and to celebrate Gemma and I being united." She stops for a moment, then says, "Now you."

"We're here to remember things we can never have back, like Pippa, and…" I trail off, my voice is shaky and I realize that I am crying.

"What did you do when you lost your virtue Fee?" I ask, remembering that her virtue too had been stolen from her.

For a minute she looked angry, but her expression softened, and she moved over to me, and we hugged each other.

"It'll be alright."

Finally we move apart, and Fee reaches behind a rock, pulling out the half – empty bottle of wine, still left over from the last time we were here.

"To Pippa and Ann." She says, taking a long swig. She passes to bottle to me.

"To Pip and Ann." I echo, taking a big gulp of the wine. It burns my throat, but I take another sip, willing away my unhappiness and pain.

Fee and I pass the bottle back and forth until it is completely empty. By now we are quite a merry pair, my laughter is loud and boisterous as we dance around our cave.

Just as I feel truly happy for the first time in a while, a strange wave of disappointment crashes down on me. Though I feel it, I also feel disconnected from it, like the disappointment is not mine. As strange as it its, I can't help but let it bring me down.

**xxx Kartik**

The forest is empty. No gypsies around making camp or singing and dancing around a fire. I had hoped that they'd still be here for me to stay with, and it was disappointing to find the forest void of people.

I pitch my tint in a level clearing, preparing for a lonely stay.

**xxx **

**-Mirage**

**Please Review!! I hope you liked this chappie! Yes, Gemma is feeling Kartik's disappointment, just like the book said she would. ******** I am really excited for the next one too! I know it took a while for me to update, but I paid you back with a pretty long chappie. **


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I do not own A Great and Terrible Beauty. (no matter how much I wish I did.)**

Chapter 5 

**Gemma**

My head pounds and my eyes are red and bloodshot. That's what I get for staying up all night. Felicity seems unaffected as ever, a trait that I would die for. Though she does own up to having a slight head ache.

My classes seem especially long. I am continually self-conscious not to talk too much; for fear that someone will smell the wine on my breath. If they found out, I would surely be punished. I feel like an idiot as I try not to open my mouth to wide when I talk.

"Gemma, why are you talking like your lips are glued together?" Fee taunts me. Sometimes I wish I could give her a good slap.

"Unlike you, I am concerned that someone will smell the wine on my breath."

"Oh Gemma, you worry far to much." Is all that Felicity has to say about the matter. She walks daintily over to Cecily, linking arms with the girl, and of course, leaving me out of the conversation all together.

As the day drags on, the aching in my head increases, and even spreads to my whole body, which is rather strange, seeing as hangovers are usually better as time goes on - not worse. It must be because I'm so tired.

After a dinner of hot soup and the steaming hot raspberry tea that I usually enjoy, I tell Fee that I am heading strait to bed. She gives me a worried look, but I assure her that I am simply tired from lack of sleep the night before. I hope that that is the truth.

I stumble up the stairs feeling dizzy and fatigued. My forehead feels much to hot; in fact, my skin is practically burning. I must be sicker than I had thought. I collapse on my bed, pulling the covers up to my chin, but the warmth trapped inside of the blankets does nothing to calm the chills that violently shake my body.

My condition worsens more and more every minute that slowly passes. My lips and throat are painfully dry. I keep imagining myself going to get a drink of water, but I am so delusional that I can not tell if I am actually doing so or not. I pass between feeling burning up and shaking with cold. I weave in and out of dreams, of consciousness and sleep.

When Fee silently slips thought the door I try to call out to her, but my throat is so painfully swollen that I can not form the words. She glances my way, checking to be sure that she has not woken me. My eyes are just barely open, and she does not notice my silent cry's for help.

All I can do is silently watch as she changes into her nightgown. I can only wish that I could cry out to her for help, and it's even worse knowing that I can't. I can picture her helping me get to a doctor. I can see me getting medicine and feeling better, but in the still sane corner of my mind, I know that that is not going to happen.

I find myself asleep again. Dreams and images that don't make any sense fly across my sleep, only to leave as quickly as they came. I see Kartik, and then there is me, running across a beautiful field to meet him. We kiss, our lips moving together in passion. He begins to wrap his arms around my neck, and the field turns to ash, the sky clouding over. I realize that it is no longer Kartik I am kissing, but Amar, his brother. His eyes are sunken in and his teeth are sharp and jagged.

My scream of terror is lost as the scene changes. I'm in a room full of people that I do not know; a strange buzzing sound is all that I can hear. The images of Circe, the Cave of Sighs, and a withered old book now replace the room, the people are gone and the silence is overwhelming.

Where have I seen that book before? Something about it is unsettling. I am stuck in that weird state of semi- consciousness, unable to wake up, but not quite asleep either. Then it comes to me, as if I'd known it all along. I can imagine the dusty pages and faded title - **Blood Ties**.

My eye's fly open and I am fully awake. Blood Ties...Blood Bond...Kartik! So he was not lying after all, this was really happening. What did we need to do to make this pain stop? I try to clear the fog from my memory and think back to that day that he'd shown me the excerpt from the book. I wish I had paid more attention - wish I had believed him. Physical contact. That was it, I remember. It called for an intimate relationship. A lovers bond, it was called.

And I know what I have to do. Kartik must be somewhere out there in the woods. Perhaps in the same pain and sickness as I am.

Groggily and shaky, I stumble out of bed. I can feel something wet and sticky covering my face, are dried grotesquely around my mouth. I try to wipe it off with my bed sheets, but it leaves a large red stain. Blood. Where am I bleeding?

I light the candle on my bedside table, hoping I will not wake Felicity. My muscles and joints feel as if they're on fire as I limp over to the mirror. I almost faint at the sight. Blood seeps our of my mouth, nose, ears, and even my eyes. Some of it had dried and caked in a reddish brown color. I look like some sort of monster, and I can barely hold back the flood of tears threatening to cut loose.

I turn away from the mirror, unable to look any longer. I fumble for the doorknob, for I am shaking so badly and am afraid of what will happen to me if I wait any longer.

Running unsteadily down the hall and out into the woods, I begin to call for Kartik. It's as if I can sense that he is in pain too. Then I remember that the bond allows us to know each other's feelings. I wonder - will that turn out to be a gift, or a curse?

**xxx Kartik**

I am sprawled lazily on the ground next to the blazing bon fire that I have so carefully built. The last light of day is now leaving, and the warmth of the fire is comforting.

Today has, been hard, with a headache all day and the work that needed to be done to set up my camp. I've got a small, one-person tent, and rope tied between two trees to hand food or cloths, and my fire ring. I have to say I'm satisfied with my work. Maybe it won't be so bad with out the Gypsies, though their company was quite nice last time.

With so much time to myself, I find that my thoughts are mainly on Gemma. Not on keeping her safe, but more about the blood tie between us. Nothing bad has happened so far, I haven't felt sick or had any pain – save for the headache I've had today. I must admit, I am afraid to feel the side affects, and afraid of what Gemma will do when she feels them. Will she come find me, or will she be stubborn, refusing to except our blood tie? It will probably turn out to be that latter.

My eye's are beginning to dry out from staring into the fire for so long, and when I look away the glare from the fire intensifies my headache. Alas, where is the pain medication when you need it? My head is heavy, and standing up, I feel dizzy, the forest spinning around me. My skin is hot to the touch, and I notice that my skin is paler than normal.

Could this be the blood tie effects that just moments ago I had been thinking of so casually? Now that I'm experiencing the real thing, the way's I'd thought of it seem so petty. Was Gemma feeling the same sickness?

I am falling fast - my vision growing fuzzy and my limbs are shaking uncontrollably. I can feel my own pain and Gemma's our feeling becoming one. They mix into a burning desire for on another - something so strong that even Gemma could not possible deny it.

Sore, sick, and bleeding, I try to focus my mind on Gemma's feelings. She is scared and searching. Could she be searching for me?

Then I hear it. Faintly at first, but it seems to grow louder and closer. Someone is calling out my name.

"Kartik. Kartik!"

I jump to my feet, ignoring the wave of pain and nausea it brings.

"Gemma?" I call out to the darkness.

"Kartik?" comes a cautious reply.

I run blindly towards the voice. Her voice. I can make out her silhouette through the darkness, and as she stumbles toward me, I finally get a good look at her.

She has obviously had it much worse than I. Blood is streaked across her face, and stained her dress. Her face is deathly pale and she can barely walk. But she is as beautiful as ever, here green eye's still shining and her fiery hair wild around her face.

I close the distance between us, pulling her toward me into an embrace. We just stand there for a moment, comforting each other just by being together.

My head feels clear, and my movement are no longer painful. The fever has mysteriously disappeared, and I smile at Gemma. Color has come back into her face, and I no longer feel her trembling in my arms.

Pulling her closer to me, I bend down just slightly, so that my mouth is almost touching hers. Surprisingly, she closes the small space, pressing her lips to mine. Our lips move together, the feel of her lips, and the cool of her breath makes me lightheaded.

Not wanting to break this blissful moment, I wait for Gemma to pull away. Her face is streaked with tears. When had she started crying?

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry-" she repeats over and over.

"Gemma, what's wrong?"

"This is all my fault! If I'd believed you we wouldn't have had to go through such pain!" She wailed. I must admit, I understand the reasoning behind it. But wouldn't this have still happened?

"Shh. Gemma, it's alright."

I use my shirt tail to wipe the tears and dried blood from her face. She throws her arms around me, letting me hold her.

"What now?" she asks, in a trembling voice.

I do not answer her. Because I do not know. It it possible for this to end happily? Our future's are though uncertain, a tangled up mess. But for right now, I want to hold onto this perfect moment. Lock it in my memory. It may not be perfect to most, but for me, having Gemma in my arms is priceless.

**xxx**

**-Mirage**

**Please Review. Hopefully that last line wasn't to cliche... But yeah, tell me what you thought. Criticism helps too! Only 41 days until The Sweet, Far Things comes out!**

**Important: I enabled anonymous reviews. (sorry didn't know it was disabled) so if you don't have an account you can review. I do prefer signed ones though… **


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I do not own A Great and Terrible Beauty 

**A/N: Thanks for all of the lovely reviews! They make me feel like I'm not writing this just for myself. Sorry it's been a while, I've been busy and out of town for Thanksgiving.**

**Chapter 6**

**Gemma**

Trying to hold back my tears is useless, and though the pain and sickness is gone, my stomach churns nervously and my heartbeat is wild. I simply stand there watching him - and he watches me. I don't know what to do, so I turn on my heel and start back towards the school with as much dignity as I can muster. Kartik does not object.

As I slip into my room, I try hard to block the flood of questions gathering in my mind. Felicity is dead asleep, and barely stirs when I collapse noisily onto my bed. Finally letting down my guard, an overwhelming amount of questions occupy my mind.

What will happen now? When will I grow ill again? Will my life ever be the same again? What if some one catches me with an Indian? I would be ruined. Though there are so many questions fogging up my mind, one thing remains quite clear. There is no going back. I can not take back what's happened between Kartik and me, and no use in denying it either. Things between us have changed forever.

But will Kartik expect more from me next time? I do not think that I will be able to please him, and the thought of completing the bond is beyond unsettling. I want it, I do, but not like this. I don't want it to be forced, I want it out of love. Love - the one thing missing in this relationship.

I lay awake until dawn, until I fall into a restless sleep. Fee shakes me gently awake, looking worried.

"You look terrible."

"Thanks Fee. That makes me feel great." I grumble. I tell her the story of last night, leaving out some of the more embarrassing parts. Though she had once fooled around with a gypsy, she still has not accepted that Kartik is an Indian.

"And he's a gypsy too..."she remarks quietly, I am probably not meant to hear it. Then, taking on a more serious face she says, "Gemma you absolutely must tell me when you finally do it."

"Do what?" I say, completely clueless.

"You know, complete the bond?" She says smirking.

"I don't plan on it."

Felicity just rolls her eyes, and gives me what I suppose is supposed to be an understanding look. However, I don't think she understands at all.

"Don't be late for breakfast!" She says, flouncing out the door.

Checking the clock I am dismayed to see that I have very little time before breakfast. With the dreadful thought of cold oatmeal in mind, I rush to get dressed, dashing to breakfast just in time.

I am stuck sitting among girls that I hardly speak too, because Felicity is with Cecily and my usual seat has been taken. I try to look as if this does not bother me, while eating my rather tasteless oatmeal. It's dreadful even when it's not cold.

At the head of the table, Mrs. Nightwing taps on her glass to get our attention. "Before you are off to your classes ladies, do keep in mind that tomorrow your relatives will be arriving to see how you are doing. Please make sure that you have something of substance to show them, hmm?"

Oh no. I have completely forgotten about that. Grandmama and Tom will be here tomorrow, and I've got little to show them. I rack my brain to find anything worth showing off. There's the charcoal drawing, a still life painting, and...oh yes, I'm nearly finished with my cross stitching piece.

I spend the rest of the day working feverishly in order to get things done. I finish my cross-stitching, though not with out thoroughly damaging my fingers with the needlepoint. By the end of the day, I declare myself satisfied.

Felicity is brooding when I arrive in our room. The minute I walk though the door, she thrusts a letter at me. In fine handwriting it reads:

_My Dearest Felicity,_

_I am sorry my dear, but a conference of most importance has come up and I am afraid that I will not be able to visit your school. I am sure that your progress is satisfactory, and I will try to come the next time._

_Sincerely,_

Admiral Worthington 

Handing the letter back to Fee, her disappointment and hurt is quite clear.

"He always promises me that he'll come, but something always comes up. Always. This letter is not even in his handwriting." Her voice wavers, and she angrily rips the letter in half.

I can't think of anything to say. I can't tell her that I understand, or that I'm sure he'll come some time, because I am sure that he will not. I have witnessed enough letters such as this one to know that. She turns away to hide the tears slipping from the corner of her eyes. I know she would not wish me to know that she's crying, so I cross the room to my own bed, unable to comfort my friend.

**xxx**

Tom and Grandmama arrive, looking over my work and praising it.

"Found me any pretty ladies?" Tom asks, laughing.

"None in particular. I don't believe I'd recommend you if I did. I'd save them the disappointment." I say jokingly, though thinking of Ann as I say it. Thinking of Ann makes me miss her even more, for she kind of balanced out the differences between Felicity and me. I wonder when I shall get to visit her.

Grandmama chats politely with a few other women, and groups of girls pass us, giggling louder when Tom comes into view. I can hardly understand why girls begin acting foolish when around him, though he may look handsome, he is so shallow sometimes. All he cares for in women is that she may be rich and beautiful.

When dinner is served I sit down next to Grandmama. When she finally stops gossiping with the other women, she turns to me and says, "Oh but Gemma, I almost forgot to tell you the best of news dear. Your father is coming home in just a week or two, the date is not set in stone yet."

This new comes as a shock, and quite an excitement. Father is coming home! I look to Tom to see if he has heard of this yet. He is smiling, and when he sees me looking says, "The doctors believe that he has recovered, though it will take a lot of work from us to make sure his addiction doesn't come back."

"Shh, some one could over hear..." Grandmama says, although Tom was not already quite aware of it and speaking in an undertone.

I haven't seen Father healthy and lively sense mother died, and it's hard to imagine him well. Memories of the night when Kartik and I found him in the Opium den resurface, and fighting them away I resolve not to let that happen again. Father will stay well this time if I have to use the magic to do it.

When the evening is finally ended and Tom and Grandmama are about to leave, I feel a headache coming on. Knowing that the blood tie must be calling Kartik and me now, I try to hurry them up a bit.

"Drive carefully, but try to get home before it's completely dark."

"We'll send for you on your Fathers arrival date dear, good-bye until then!"

Most family members are gone, and I head up to my room. Fee is asleep on her bed, fully dresses with drying tears still faintly glistening on her cheeks. The letter - ripped in half - is clutched in her hand. Though the sight is not an unusual one, I still feel sorry for the poor girl, neither of her parents ever show up for the day that is so special to most.

I sit by her motionless body until all noises in the building stop. I have to go get Kartik before I fall ill again. Slipping quietly down the hallway, and out the doors, I walk to the edge of the forest. The air is bitter cold, and I hug my dress tighter to my skin. Shivering, I start into the utter darkness, without noticing the dark figure standing close by.

"Gemma!" Exclaims the dark figure, startling me, and a familiar hand is covering my mouth before I screech.

"Do you feel it too?" Kartik asks, as he pulls me closer to him. Our lips meet for the much needed kiss. When we're apart again I inhale deeply, taking in his woodsy sent. Reaching up again, I kiss him, his lips are rough against mine, but a certain tenderness remains.

Kartik pulls back suddenly, with a shocked expression and fear in his eyes. "Gemma..." he gasps.

**Dun, Dun, Dun...what happened!? Please Review! I love it when I get a nice long one... I'm sorry, I know this chappie was short. **

**ONLY 29 DAYS UNTIL TSFT COMES OUT!!! Whooo! Let me tell you, I am sooo pumped!**

**-Mirage (is not my real name...I just like it.)**


	7. Chapter 7

I'm sorry it's taken a while to update. I've been kinda busy. Anyway, I'm not really sure if the winterlands are actually snowy...but in my story, they are. I'm not even sure if they're one word or two...tell me if you know so that I can make corrections if needed... Hope you enjoy!

Kartik pulls back suddenly, with a shocked expression and fear in his eyes. "Gemma..." he gasps.

I open my eye's wondering what could possibly be wrong. Had someone caught us? But looking around I realize that we are no longer in the woods by Spence, but in a place that I recognize with dread. The winterlands. We're on the peak of a mountain, where Circe is sitting on a white throne. Her monsters pace around in the shadows, barely visible.

It is only a vision, and so Circe can not see me, but I fear that the monsters can sense that we're here. Kartik looks around in wonder at the vast area of snow and ice. His expression of wonder reminds me that this is his first time in the realms.

"This must be the winterlands..." he says amazed, "and this must be a vision or else-"

"Or else Circe could see us," I finish for him, "and we would have entered into the garden."

Kartik smiles, of course he knows all of this, him being my guardian. I him tighter, trying to block some of the fierce wind. Before anymore can be said, one of the shadow beasts step out into the light, approaching Circe at her throne of ice.

"I believe that the one called Lady Hope is watching us. I can sense her fear." It tells her, its voice scratchy and gruff.

"We've got to get out of here." I focus on pulling out of the vision and returning to Spence. I focus on the image of the thick forest surrounding us, and finally we are back.

"What could it mean?" he asks me.

"I don't know. Now that you've seen my vision, you'll have to understand that it's not so easy to figure everything out. Maybe you'll even quit telling me to stop my visions, seeing as they're hard to control." I tease.

"I have not said one word about stopping your visions for a long while Ms. Doyle, and you know it." He retorts in a mock-angry voice.

I smile kissing him lightly on his neck.

"It's hard to focus on your vision when you're so distracting." Kartik says before bending down and kissing me again. His tongue runs across my bottom lip, and I open my mouth just enough to let him slip in. The taste of him is dizzying as our lips move together. His hand has found the back of my neck, and I wrap my arms around him, giggling as I take a fresh breath of cool air.

"Oh, Gemma, I forgot to tell you that I found out some more about our bond."

I sigh, wishing that perfect moments did not always have to be ruined with mention of the blood tie.

"Just listen for a minute, this is important," he says, of course getting frustrated. I can feel him closing up, he must have realized how far out of the comfort zone we both are. "We can be apart for a while now, but very quickly the time we can be apart will shorten. Eventually we'll have to- to complete the bond." He says, letting out his breath in a loud sigh. "Then we can be apart for a longer time before we'll have to..."

My face is flushed red and the way he says that we can be apart for longer cuts deep into my heart. It reminds me that all the kisses are for the bond, not for love, and the sad reality crushes my hopes for us. Just the thought of "completing our bond" is sickening, but I haven't the heart to tell him that I can't do it.

I need to be alone for a while, just to think things over.

"Good night Kartik." I say before turning to make my way back to the school, trying to hide the tears of disappointment now dripping shamefully down my cheeks.

The night air is cold and the wind nips at my ears and nose. My tears are practically frozen when I get inside to the warmth. I slip into my bed covers and fall gratefully into a deep sleep.

xxx

I wake up to Felicity shaking me, "Gemma hurry! It's almost time for breakfast."

Late starts seem to be occurring much to often now. I slip into my dress, and when I stand in front of the mirror to pin my hair up, I notice that my eyes are still puffy and red from crying last night.

"Oh bloody-"

"Don't worry Gemma, I can help you fix that." Fee interrupts my swearing. She looks perfectly normal, no signs of crying or rough sleep. On her nightstand is a bag of ice and a washcloth. she instructs me on how to hold it over my eyes and use the cold washcloth to rid me of my blotchy cheeks, and it works like magic.

"Fee, you're a lifesaver."

"What happened?" she demands. Of course, every nice thing she does for me comes at a price, and I know there's no way of getting out of this one. But I try anyway.

"It was nothing. Just a little drama."

"You're saying that a little bit of drama made you cry all night long. I woke up in the middle of the night to hear you sobbing in your sleep. Come on, tell." She snaps, getting impatient.

"Kartik," I say. "I just remembered that everything we do is for the bond, not for love like it is for normal people. It's just that I really do love him, and it hurts to know that he doesn't return the feelings."

"That's why you were crying all night? You think he doesn't love you?" She laughs, rolling her eyes, "How can you possibly think he doesn't love you?"

I instantly regret sharing any feelings at all with her. Felicity can be a monster sometimes, and right now it doesn't make me feel one bit better by talking to her. In fact, she makes me feel worse.

Despite the fact that all I want to do is mope around and have a private little pity party, Fee loops her arm through mine, half dragging me to breakfast. The oatmeal is cold by the time we arrive in the dining hall, and the bland oatmeal darkens my mood significantly.

"Great Gemma, now we have to eat this cold, flavorless mush."

"I think it's wonderful, the best oatmeal I've had in months." I snap, refusing to put up with her. I see a few girls glance at me from the corners of their eyes, disturbed by my loud outburst.

"Oh keep you're eye's to your selves." My blood is boiling angrily, and I'm not even so sure why I'm mad right now. It's not just because of what happened with Kartik, but because of the silly things like cold oatmeal, Fee's sarcasm, and the rude looks that keep coming my way. Silly they may be, but angering all the same.

By the end of breakfast I am in a foul mood. Approaching Mrs. Nightwing I ask, "May I please rest a bit today? I'm afraid I'm feeling a bit indisposed."

"Oh of course dear, are you going to be quite alright?"

"Yes ma'am, just feeling a bit out of sorts is all."

"Oh my, is it that time of the month?"

"Oh no, no." I assure her, feeling my cheeks flush at the prospect of discussing such things with a teacher of all people.

I trudge up the stairs, but I am not about to sleep the day away. My thought's are of Kartik. Maybe I'm out of my mind, or gone crazy from being out late each night, but I believe that I will pay him a visit today.

I lock the door of the room that Fee and I share, so that Bridget won't try to come in to give my tea or change sheets. It would be a disaster if they found me missing, but I can not let my thoughts linger on such things.

The air is crisp but not as cold as the night before. The wind has died down a bit, but still rips brutally at my tender cheeks and nose. When I enter the forest, the thick trees act as a shelter from the wind. I find Kartik's clearing, and there he sits at his ever-blazing fire, whittling away at a piece of wood.

"Kartik!" I call out to him, sounding much more cheerful than I actually am. I must admit though, just the sight of him lifts my spirit, weather he's just broken my heart or not.

"Gemma?" he say's in wonder as I step into view. "Gemma, what are you doing here?" His eye's search me frantically, as if looking me over would find the answer.

"I need to speak with you, but don't worry, Mrs. Nightwing believes me to be ill in bed."

"Are you crazy, you can not just risk everything but coming out here during the day. You should be at you knitting or stitching classes making neat little trinkets for your future English husband." He looks outraged, but behind his ranting I can tell that he's pleased to see me.

"We really need to talk." I say, taking a deep breath and preparing to do something that I never would have dreamed I would do.

Sitting down next to him around his fire ring, I am hyper aware of every move I make. We are sitting so close that I can feel his body heat radiating around me, giving me a soaring feeling. Reminding myself to stay focused, I feel the enormity of what I'm about to ask him. His answer will either break my heart or send it beating fast as lightning.

"I need to know where we stand. No matter how much I tell myself that every kiss, every touch is because of the bond, I can't help but fool myself that it's something else. I can't help but wish it were. So please, _please_ tell me, if you love me, or even care for me, or not. I will never ask again."

My heart is beating like a drum, I fear it will jump right out of my chest. I have never put so much on the line, never gave someone such power over my feelings as I have now. I am both anxious and dreading his response as a wait there, tears of emotion pouring down my face.

"Gemma," his voice is husky, "I thought you new – I have _always_ loved you."

Emotions flying, I fling myself upon him, kissing his full lips with vigor such as never before. He laughs, a deep friendly sound, kissing me back. I slide my tongue into his mouth for the first time, searching it, memorizing its every feature. I am dizzy from the taste of him.

I feel his hand sliding up my back, and my skin prickles where he touches me. He fumbles with the laces of my corset, and I realize that at some point my dress was discarded off to the side, leaving only my corset and petticoat left. Full realization of his intentions hit me like ice water.

Unwelcome memories of the night with Simon bring me into reality.

I could smell the alcohol and drugs on his breath, and tried not to gag. Before I knew what was happening, he had me cornered, and was roughly smashing his lips against mine. His lips forced my mouth open and his hand had wondered to the ties of my dress.

I fight against the memory, I tell myself that Kartik isn't like that, we need this, and somewhere deep down I remember wanting it. But I can't do it. Kartik's breath is no longer like sweet smelling air – it has turned sour because of Simon. His soft kisses bring back memories of Simons painful ones, and the hands untying my corset now seem unfamiliar.

I know that it is not Simon, but my beautiful Kartik, the Kartik that I love, but I am beyond reasoning now. I push hard on his bare chest, but not without noting how muscled and strong he is. He could force this on me if he wanted to, but he doesn't. Maybe that's a reason I know he cares for me, he's willing to wait until I'm ready. But if I'm not ready soon enough, neither of us will have a choice.

He rolls away from me, sighing. His chocolate colored eyes bore deep into mine, and I can see hurt and rejection swimming in them. But most of all, I can feel it, I can feel hurt and disappointment stronger than what I've ever felt before. Maybe I shouldn't have made him stop.

"You know we'll have to do it sometime," he says, stroking my cheek sadly.

"I'm – I'm sorry Kartik."

When he doesn't say anything I'm sure that he is angry with me. I told him I loved him, led him on to think that it was actually happening – but I'm sure that he can feel my reluctance along with my love.

I can't bear to look into those dark honest eyes any longer. I flee into the woods, feeling the tears springing back to my eyes. I've been crying so much lately that I welcome them without shame. I thought that when he said he loved me I would feel better, my broken heart mended, but instead, it's just been punctured in a different way.

I sneak into my room, though getting caught out of bed is the least of my problems. I hug myself as if it would keep me together, as if it would stop the unbearable pain in my chest. I stay that way until I am entirely exhausted from crying. At some point I fall into a restless sleep.

When Bridget comes in, she find's what would appear to be me, passed out on top of my bed, though I'm in a state of half consciousness.

"Poor thing," she mutter's to herself, tucking me under the covers. I finally fall into slumber in the warmth of my covers and the promise of a fresh start tomorrow.

**xxx**

**::Hugs::**

**-Mirage**

**Please review! I hope you like this chapter, even though Gemma flipped out and they didn't do it. But don't worry, if you're like me and can't wait for some GemmaxKartik hottness…it will be happening soon! grins stupidly**

**There's only 15 days until The Sweet, Far Things comes out! AAHHH! I just want to…jump…shout…shoot something??? Idk, but waiting is killing me.**

**Oh yeah and something terrible happened. I ordered the book from deep discount and it said that it won't get it to me on time….. so I'm going to cancel my order and get it from Amazon. Yay! Amazon saves the day!**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Sorry it's been so long. I got super depressed after TSFT and I didn't feel like writing. Then I reread it and read some of Libba's blog and felt better. So here you go. Enjoy.**

Something major has changed between Kartik and I. Remembering the hurt in his eyes at my refusal, I can not go back to him. I am afraid. Afraid of his expectations and of the awkwardness. By tonight the pan will come, but I am determined not to go to him. I will not be the one to cause that look of pain and sadness.

I am not ready for him and me to do more than just be together. Why can't that be enough? All of the comfort I had felt with him is gone, all because at his attempt at completing the bond. Why can't I be willing to try new things with him?

"You do realize that you've got to do it sometime. Just get it over with." Fee says, exasperated. We've been arguing about this same subject all day.

"I can't. I just can't!"

"You're just scared. It can't be that bad. He's not like Simon you know."

"I. Am. Not. Scared." I growl. But it's a lie, and even I know how pathetic it sounds coming from my mouth. I am scared. Scared of so many things. Mostly, I'm scared of what Kartik and I could be.

Fee finally gives up, leaving me to wallow in my self-pity.

xxx

I can feel a headache coming on as we learn a new waltz. I am paired with Cecily, of course, because Mrs. Nightwing can never simply let me _enjoy_ dancing. I can hear her whispering to her friends.

"I hope my toes are not too bruised by the end of class, but seeing as I'm paired with Gemma I am likely never to dance again."

I try my hardest to ignore them, but the loud giggles only intensify the pain that has been growing in my skull. I shoot Fee what I hope looks to be a murderous glare before Mrs. Nightwing announces the beginning of our lesson.

Cecily slowly makes her way over to me, her displeasure showing greatly in her expression.

"You can dance as the man, I shall be the woman," declares Cecily, twirling around gracefully.

"You can have your fun Cecily, but it's really a pity seeing as you're such a natural at being a man." I retort, though it's hardly worth saying. I can not burst her happy little bubble today, and I am in no condition to care.

"1,2,3. 1,2,3…" Mrs. Nightwing drones on.

"Ouch!" yelps Cecily. I've just stumbled over her toe. "Would you watch where you're stepping for once!"

Fee sends me a smirk from across the room, irritating me more that Cecily's complaining.

"Cecily, what seems to be the problem?" Mrs. Nightwing calls in a shrill voice.

"Oh Mrs. Nightwing! I think my toe is going to bruise!"

"Cecily, let Gemma be the woman this time. It is important for _both_ of you to learn." She scolds, ignoring Cecily's whining.

I am unbelievably grateful when the waltz ends, but we must stay longer while Mrs. Nightwing demonstrates a few more techniques before we leave for our next class.

"Miss Doyle, would you assist me in demonstrating this foot pattern?"

She shows everyone the different positions to move as we dance. When I stumble over my legs Mrs. Nightwing calls out, "Grace, Charm, and Beauty," Do not forget it Miss. Doyle.

My face flushes red and I can hear Elizabeth and Martha giggling across the room. A fresh wave of pain crashes through my head, and Mrs. Nightwing catches me grimacing. My eyes water, and I struggle to hold back tears.

"Miss. Doyle are you quite all right?"

"Actually, I'm feeling a bit indisposed." I tell her, for I fear I will soon pas out from the sharp pain in my head.

"In that case you maybe excused from class if you wish to go rest."

As I gratefully leave the room, I pointedly ignore Fee's worried glance. I'm afraid that I'll break down at any sign of affection or pity. I almost make it through the door of my room before collapsing on the floor. Unable to even crawl to my bed, I lay there on the floor, waiting for someone to find me.

The fever has arrived, sending violent tremors though my body. I feel my lips and ears swelling, and a faint trickle of blood running out of my nose.

I lay there for hours, feeling utterly helpless. I shall die here on this floor. By the time someone finds me it will be too late. Too late for Kartik as well. Finally Felicity comes prancing gaily through the door, but her expression falls to one of worry when she finds me laying there, barely conscious.

"Really, Gemma," she sighs, as she pulls me to my feet, supporting all of my weight while dragging me into bed.

"You are pathetic, and I won't give you one bit of sympathy. I _told_ you to go to him, but you can never listen to some one else can you? You always have to do what _you_ want to do." She huffs, looking at me with a disgusted expression.

I try to respond with something witty, but my lips are so swollen that I can not even form the words.

Delirium comes with sleep, and I dream that I'm with Kartik. He is beautiful as ever in the dream, and we are kissing like never before. But then he changes, and I find that it is not Kartik, but Amar that I am kissing. His eye's are the mysterious white-blue of Pippa's, and his smile turns into a sharp-toothed snarl. I find myself in an ashen land. Stretching as far as I can see.

I startle awake, realizing that the dream is a familiar one. Hadn't I had the same dream just weeks – or days ago? But I know what I have to do. I have to find Kartik, else we'll both die.

I stumble noisily out of bed, waking Fee in the process.

"Where are you going?" she demands.

"Kartik," my voice is raspy, and I don't have time to explain.

"I'm coming with you. No way are you going by yourself in that condition." She insists.

"No, no." I'm not sure why I don't want her help, but it doesn't seem right to bring her. Maybe I'll regret if I pass out in the woods, but she won't change my mind.

I try to shake my head, but she's already pulling me out the door. There's nothing I can do to stop her from dragging me though the woods to Kartik's camp ground.

"I'll let you two have your privacy," she says with a strange glint in her eyes. She takes off into the dark of the woods, and I am left alone. I see the faint outline of Kartik in his tent. I wish that I had the confidence and bravery of Fee.

With my heart in my throat, I unzip that tent. There his is my beautiful and guardian, who I'd always thought of as strong, laying on the ground, sick and in pain. I bite down hard on the side of my mouth to stop the tears: I am the horrid person who caused this. It's my fault for not coming sooner.

"Kartik?"

He moves his head slightly in recognition. I lay down beside him, running my lips up his neck until I reach his full, swollen lips. I kiss him, and I feel him kissing back, our lips mashing clumsily together, tongues colliding.

I pull away first, and I can feel his uncontrolled longing. I've regained control of my body, but my skin still burns and my head still pounds in fast rhythm to my heartbeat.

Kartik wraps his arms and legs greedily around me, pulling me closer for another kiss. This time its rougher and impatient. Why have we not been cured?

"Why isn't this working?" I ask, frantic for this pain to be relieved of me.

"Gemma," his voice is strained, "It's time to complete the bond or else we're both as good as dead."

"But Kartik, I'm not ready for this!" I hear the fear in my voice. This can't be happening. Not now.

"Ready or not it's got to happen." he waits to see if I agree. I know he will not force it on me. If I chose to, he would willingly die next to me, but I am determined not to fail him. It's strange how I wanted this so much a few months ago, but now that I can have it, I am too scared.

I nod, signaling that I give in. My stomach churns nervously, and I try taking slow, deep breaths.

My heart races as he fumbles with the ties on my corset. I find myself naked for the first time in front of him, and I feel exposed and venerable, but at the same time, I no longer want to hide from him. His face burns read as he removes his own clothing. My eyes rake over his tanned skin and muscled chest. This beauty is forbidden for my eyes, yet I take it in with amazement. I can not stop myself from letting my eyes wander to his manhood, and area unexplored and never spoken of. Something I have never experienced.

He sees me looking, and I turn away, my face instantly flushing red. When I look up his face his searching me, eagerly taking me in. He moves closer to me, and I try to tell myself that this is something that needs to happen. But by doing this will I lose a part of myself? Maybe that's what I've been afraid of all this time.

"Gemma, you need to know that I love you. Really I do."

And it's the truth. I can feel it like never before. His strong love reminds me that this is the man that I have fantasized about. This is something that I've wanted for a long time. _I love you_ he'd said. And somehow those three little words made what we're about to do all right.

"I love you too." I say, and it's the truth. Maybe that's what I was missing before. I was so unsure of him and of myself, but now I want him - all of him - like never before.

He gently slides himself in to me. The pain of it is bearable compared to what I have felt these past few weeks. Together, we make ourselves one in a bond even stronger than our love. Our feelings come together as one, such strong love that it is almost overwhelming.

He kisses me again, gentle and deep. He runs his tongue along my lower lip, and I let him in. His tongue searching my mouth. Then another kiss, stronger this time, our lips moving in rhythm against eachother.

I gasp trying to catch my breath, and he cradles my head as we lay there, entangled and exhausted. The blood tie has been fulfilled for now, and I am lightheaded and joyful, because Kartik loves me, and not just because the bond requires him too.

**::hugs::**

**Please Review and tell me what you thought. I changed the rating to M, though I don't think that needed an M rating. But whatever, I did it just in case.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: I do not own A Great and Terrible Beauty.**

**Chapter 9**

"Felicity! Fee!" I shout gleefully, waking her up. It's early in the morning. I had to get back before the school began to wake up.

"We did it! Me and Kartik, we-"

"What did you have to wake me up for?" she demands, cutting me off. "It's not anything new and it's bloody four in the morning!" she glares at me, but her grumpiness has not the slightest affect on my mood.

"I thought you wanted me to tell you when we finally did it." I say, putting on an innocent face. For some reason I can't seem to call it sex. We had sex. But the words seem so unnatural coming out of my mouth, and the impact of what we've done hasn't fully made its way to my mind yet.

Now I've got Felicity's attention. "You mean you actually had sex with him?" she shrieks. "Why didn't you tell me! This is great! I actually didn't think you have the guts to do it..." She jumps out of bed and gathers me into a hug, umping up and down and giggling uncontrollably with me.

"How was it?" she asks with a devious grin.

"Oh Fee it was wonderful. He-he loves me." I can feel the foolish grin spread across my face, but I don't try to hide my glee.

"How could you not see that before?" she says rolling her eyes. "He's always looking at you with this wistful smile and..."

But I block out the rest. I just sit there grinning stupidly, for I've never felt so happy in my life.

xxx

"You've got a letter," Brigid tells me, throwing an envelope my way. I've finally received news of my father.

Dear Gemma, Father shall be arriving tomorrow night. He, of course, will wish to see you, so I have arranged for Mr. Lucas to come for you around noon tomorrow.

Thomas

It may be short (I'm sure Tom feels himself far to important to write letters to the likes of me) but the news is wonderful! I'll be seeing my father again. And soon! I excitedly show Fee the letter, but instead of rejoicing with me, she frowns. "What about your blood tie? I know you've completed it, but in a few days time you'll get ill again."

This is something I had not considered. If I return home, Kartik will remain miles away, and if I get sick there is no way for us to meet. "I suppose I'll go meet him again tonight," I say, a smile playing at my lips. The idea of seeing Kartik is most agreeable. After last night I no longer fear our nightly excursions, but look forward to them.

"See, you rather like it don't you," says Fee, giving me a devilish grin and taunting expression.

I feel my face redden, but I force a laugh as response. She can make of it whatever she likes.

xxx

I stumble through the forest on my way to Kartik's campground. He doesn't know that I'm coming tonight, so he didn't come to meet me at the edge of the forest as usual. The night is dark, and the bitter wind nips at my ears, but I don't notice any of it. All I can think of is what I'm about to do and the small butterflies in my stomach. I was wrong if I thought I wouldn't be afraid the second time. The only difference now is my want and newfound confidence.

I reach the clearing, but keep hidden behind a tree. I can see him sitting but his campfire as usual. He is troubled by something, I can feel it, but I can't possibly imagine what it could be.

"Kartik!" I call, stepping out from behind the trees. He looks up at me and his troubled expression is replaced by a wide smile.

"I hoped you'd come," he says softly. I sit down next to him, and he leans over to kiss me. His lips are soft and warm. I want to lose myself to his smell, but he pulls away. His worried grimace replaces his comforting features.

"What's wrong Kartik?" Could it have something to do with me? Does he regret telling me he loved me?

"It's nothing," he says quickly. I don't believe it for a second.

"Oh come on, what is it?" I try to sound commanding and seductive like Felicity, but it comes out sounding almost whiny.

He hesitates for a moment and then grins saying, "Well, I saw that you've written my name all around the edges of your diary. I must admit it makes for a nice border, but I'm afraid that such an obsession is not healthy!"

I gasp, feeling my face redden. "Tell me you did not read my diary! You can't just snoop around in my stuff!"

"Well, only that page. It was lying open on your bed." He smiles sheepishly. I smack his shoulder, but I can not possibly be mad at him.

He rests his head on my shoulder, and I turn away in mock-anger. He plants a few small kisses on my neck, and I smile before kissing him full on the lips, eager to taste him. His warm, spicy smell is intoxicating, and I feel electric where his hand rests at my neck. I love how bold he is with me now, I love how comfortable I feel with him. I love Kartik, more passionately than ever before.

"So darling," he says in a husky and English mocking voice, "What were your plans for tonight?"

In answer I run my hand down his muscled chest, taking my time to take in the feel of him, and let my hand rest at his belt.

"That's what I'd hoped for." he whispers softly in my ear, making shivers of anticipation run up and down my spine.

He removes my dress and corset with ease this time. I no longer feel the urge to look away from his naked body, but instead I let my eyes wander on his body. His skin glows under the lighting of the stars, and I find myself mesmerized by his dark eyes.

His hands run up my stomach and rest on my pale breast. He hitches up my leg, wrapping it around his waist and my breath catches in my throat. I can feel his heart racing with mine as we make love under the cover of darkness. I feel him everywhere, inside me, touching me. I can sense his passion and love radiating around me.

My breathing is quick and shallow as he massages me, and I can't hold back the moan of pleasure that escapes me.

Xxx

**::hugs::**

**Please Review! Reviews definitely give me motive to write. I know this was a short chappie, but I wanted to post it anyway. **

**Before you do anything (except for reviewing my story) you HAVE to look up the lyrics to "Iris" by The Goo Goo Dolls. I swear it is such a Kartik song. No joke.**

**Luv ya!**

**-This Taped Heart. (I need to think of a new user name…any suggestions?) If I change my pen name will I lose everyone on author alert? **


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: So sorry for the long wait! I took a two-week trip to Bangladesh, and have been super busy. But Bangladesh is right near India and so I totally got to see what it would be like where Kartik and Gemma lived. AND I got to meet Libba Bray! She came to Joseph Beth for a book signing. I was SO excited. Anyway, Enjoy.

xxx

I spend the morning in a packing frenzy trying to bring a few articles of clothing home for my stay, though I have no idea how long I'll be there. I am still exhausted from last night, though I feel better than ever. Even Fee has noticed a new joy about me, though she's only complained about it.

"What shall I do with out you? When you get back we must go to the realms. It's been forever!" She complains shooting me a resentful glare before flouncing off to join Cecily - thoroughly ignoring me.

Mr. Lucas shows up promptly at noon, taking my bags into the cab. He drives me home in a rather awkward silence, however, I am so excited to see Father that the ride passes quickly. Will he be healthy now? Happier? I can't help but wonder if his happiness is one of those things that even a sanitarium can't fix. Mother left him broken, and I fear even the magic has no power against that.

When the cab finally arrives at home, I spot my father coming towards me with a wide smile, followed closely by Tom. I dash toward him, flinging myself into his outstretched arms. He holds me for a long moment before loosening his grip to take a look at me.

"How's my little pet?"

"She's hardly little anymore," grumbles Tom, but Father ignores him. I feel a twinge of guilt at how father treats me, always his pet. I know that Tom resents his favoritism, no matter how much we try to convince him that we're loved equally. I know he likes to hear it though, even if it is a lie.

Father smiles, looking truly happy. It's the first genuine smile I've seen from him in a long time, though his eye's still betray his sadness. He is healthier looking too, and seems to have gained back a few of his pounds from earlier days.

We walk back to the door, side by side with his arm affectionately around my waist. Grandmama is just finishing setting the table. It is almost a surprise to see four place settings instead of three, I had hardly realized how much I've missed seeing Father's place set at the head of the table.

Over dinner we discuss my schooling - Grandmama complements my needlework and drawing - and Tom prattles on about his patients at Bethlam.

"Ms. Herley, she's a piece of work really, the poor woman hears voices. I often pass her room to hear her having a conversation with someone in her head. We haven't found a cure yet, but if I do say so myself-"

Tom is interrupted by a loud knock on the door.

"Hold on just a second, I'll answer that," volunteers Tom, walking to the front door. "Hello?"

"Hello Tom! Just dropped by to give you your briefcase, you left it in the office. Hope I'm not intruding," comes a man's voice from the front door.

"Not at all," says Tom, "come on in for a minute." Tom brings the man into our dining room. He is younger looking than Tom, well built with sandy blonde hair. His dark eyes sparkle, and when he catches my eye I turn away, trying not to blush. He's quite handsome, and reminds me a bit of Simon, with his mischievous looks.

"This is Bryce Winters, a colleague of mine. Bryce this is my father, my Grandmother, and my sister, Gemma."

"How do you do?" he asks politely.

He visits for a while, and suddenly I am quite focused on finishing my dinner. It's all I can do not to catch his carefree gaze. Tom finishes his story, though I can hardly concentrate on anything but his merry laughing, along with my fathers chuckling.

"I really must be going now, but please, join my family for dinner some time, I'll send along an invitation." He smiles again, and I find myself hoping that Grandmama will accept.

"Of course," Chimes Grandmama, "We'd love to."

"Good evening Tom, Ms. Doyle."

"Good evening Mr. Winters," I return dutifully.

Suddenly I remember Kartik, and although Mr. Winters is only visiting my brother, I feel disloyal to him. Bryce winters is no Kartik, but I must admit there's something charming about him.

xxx

Now that Mr. Winters is gone and diner is over, the long day is taking its toll on me. I yawn, unable to mask my tiredness.

"Pet, why don't you head to bed? After all you've just had a whole day of travelling," suggests Father.

"Good idea," I nod, "I'll need my rest for the trip back tomorrow."

"Tomorrow!?" Exclaims Grandmama, looking up from her knitting, "Why don't be ridiculous, we've arranged with Ms. Nightwing for you to stay the entire week!" She goes on about her plans, but I can focus on only one thing: I am staying here for a whole week. A whole week with Kartik miles away. I'm sure that a week is too long, Kartik said we could be apart for two days at the most before we fall ill. An entire week will surely kill us both. But of course I cannot possibly explain this to Grandmama_. You see Grandma, I can't stay here because I can only go two days with out having sex with this man named Kartik. Sorry to have to leave so soon_... I can only imagine her response.

"Mother, I think Gemma should be off to bed. She looks a bit pale," Father interrupts her ranting.

"Oh dear, you do look a bit sickly."

I'm sure I do, but it's not from lack of sleep. My mind races as I trudge slowly up the steps. How can I contact Kartik? I am so overwhelmed by all that's happening I feel on the verge of a mental break down. Perhaps Tom can cart me off to Bethlam tomorrow.

Kneeling on my bed, I rest my head on the cool window. The chilly night air calms me down and allows me to think strait. There must be a way to contact Kartik. Then an idea comes to me: Felicity. Jumping up in excitement, I rummage through my desk drawers to find some paper and ink.

_My Dear Felicity,_

_I am writing to inform you that I will not be returning home for another week. Can you please give this information to whoever may need it? Father is looking well, and Tom is still a prat. One of his coworkers paid us a visit. He was quite charming. I wish Tom would learn something from him. See you in a week. Sincerely,_

Gemma Doyle 

I hope that Fee will get the hint, I can not risk someone else reading it. It would be disastrous if Cecily, or heaven forbid Ms. Nightwing got a hold of it. I almost laugh at how formal the letter sounds, after all we've been through together it seems silly. I'm sure Fee has seen the worst of me.

When Emily comes in to put the heating pan under my covers, I hand her the letter asking that she mail it as soon as possible. Once I've crawled into my warm covers, I feel much calmer and reassured that both Kartik and I will be all right. I smile at just the thought of him, of how I feel so happy around him. It's like I'm drunk on love.

My eyelids grow heavy and my thoughts grow muddled and sluggish. The faint whisper of the wind lulls me to sleep.

xxx

The morning air is cool and crisp, but the chilly winds of the past two days are gone. A light frost covers the ground, the first sign of snow to come. With Tom at work and Grandmama and Father out paying visits to friends, I decide to finally pay a visit to Ann. We've exchanged quite a few letters and she has mentioned before that she gets Saturdays off. I hope she she'll be at her cousin's home today, for I'd very much like to see her. She was my first friend at Spence, and it's not right that I haven't seen her in such a long time.

Mr. Lucas, the man who takes care of the stables in Kartik's place, hitches up the carriage and helps me in.

"Where are you headed today ma'am?"

I show him the address of Ann's cousin's house. It's only a short ways away, and I can barely contain my excitement when we reach the house. I'm finally going to see Ann! I can't wait to tell her all that's happened, she'll be so surprised!

Judging by the size of the estate, Ann's relatives are fairly rich. The lawn is well kept, each bush or tree in perfect condition, the walkway to the door is wiped clear of all frost. The house is gigantic, the door frame alone a sight to gawk at. I walk gingerly toward the door, afraid to disturb the perfect order around me. Using the large brass knocker, I tap lightly on the door. A maid in a white apron opens te door, giving me a quizzical stare. Not exactly welcoming, but I suppose I've come unexpected.

"Hello, I'm Gemma Doyle. Is Ms. Bradshaw in?"

"Doyle. Are you Mr. Thomas Doyle's sister?" she asks, giving me a warm, sheepish smile. How could she possibly have met my brother? I try to disguise my disgust as she fawns over my brothers name, though it seems to have done the trick.

"Follow me right this way." The girl leads me down a few grand hallways before knocking on a plain white door.

"Hello?" I recognize Ann's voice calling from inside the room.

"Ms. Doyle for you Ms. Bradshaw."

Ann opens the door, and upon seeing me screeches in delight. I run forward to gather her in a long awaited hug, planting two warm kisses on her cold cheeks.

"Oh Gemma, I thought I'd never see you again!"

"I've just been missing you to much to stay away!" I laugh, "You look...well." I lie, wishing that I hadn't said anything at all.

"Thanks," she says, dismissing my comment. She's thinner than when I last saw her, and her cheeks are gaunt and pale. Still, she is Ann, and her eyes sparkle with joy.

"Do you have today off? I was thinking we could go out and spend some time catching up?"

"Yes, lets go..but, let me tell my aunt-"

"I thought it was your day off,"

"Yes but-" she doesn't finish, instead she rushes off to ask her aunts permission. I wish she would take some control, she does not need to ask permission from anyone.

"I've got to be back by four. She needs me to watch the kids while she runs errands." she says when she returns, staring at the floor. I try not to let myself be irritated by how submissive and powerless she acts. It's her free day, shouldn't she spend it how she likes?

We head to a cafe, and once seated I eagerly tell her about the blood tie. Her reaction is just as I had hoped. She gasps in horrified surprise. "You really have to- to actually have- with some one like-"

"Don't," I interrupt her fiercely, "speak badly about Kartik. He's twice the gentleman as someone like Simon is, and I love him, Ann."

Ann looks shocked, and I realize that I don't usually talk so harshly to her. I've changed a lot in these past few months. Or weeks is it? I can't even recall.

"Anyway," I begin to add, trying to soften my harsh words with some juicy gossip, "We've already done it." I lean in close wanting to see her expression.

Ann leans in close to me, her eyes bright with this new secret, "What's it like?" she squeals, drawing annoyed glances from a few people.

"It hurts," I say truthfully, "but it was just so - so..." but I'm at loss for words. Ann nods knowingly, with a cocky smile. We whisper and gossip for another hour. Ann tells me all about her awful cousins, and I wish for both our sakes that she was back at Spence. Just before four o'clock we part ways, and I return home.

I've gone almost two days with out Kartik, and I hope Fee gives him the message quickly. I'm afraid of what will happen if she does not. Not to mention, I'm beginning to miss him.

xxx

Please Review! Warning – don't get used to good things happening::dun dun dun:: Again, sorry for the long wait!

**::hugs::**

**This Taped Heart**


	11. Chapter 11

_Gemma! Gemma! Someone is calling my name. My eyes sweep the forest, but I see no one. Something moves a few feet away, but when I search through the trees, I see no one. Gemma! Wake up!_ The forest is gone. I rub the sleep from my eyes and look up, disoriented, to find Grandmama screeching my name impatiently. I sit up slowly, squinting at the bright light seeping through my window and try to give my attention to my frazzled grandmother.

"We've received an invitation to dinner at the Winter's home," She says as she bustles about my room, fully opening the blinds on the window. "Emily is to draw a bath for you. You'll need to wear the nicest dress you've got for we don't have time for shopping. They are a family of high status."

Of course. Because reputation is all that matters to Grandmama. She's probably already planning my wedding with Mr. Winters. The mysterious gleam in her eyes has not gone unnoticed. It's the same look she had when I briefly courted Simon. But Grandmama doesn't know that I'm taken.

"Oh dear, I almost forgot. A letter arrived for you today from Ms. Worthington," she says handing over a small envelope.

As soon as Grandmama leaves I eagerly tear open the envelope, hoping for news of Kartik.

Dear Gemma, Oh how I've missed you these past few days. Cecily and Martha are simply dreadful company. I understood you letter perfectly and your absence is known. I hope you're feeling well. Love, Felicity

I clutch the letter to my chest. her letter is vague, but I must believe that Kartik is on his way. I hear a light tapping on the door and Emily enters, distracting me from my thoughts.

"Your bath is ready Ms. Doyle."

I follow her into the bathroom where she leaves me in privacy to bathe. I sink slowly into the warm water and sigh as my muscles begin to relax. It's as if I've washed away all my troubles and worries, waving goodbye to them as they sink down the drain. I breathe in deep, smelling the soothing fragrance of the bath salts in the water. It smells like fresh cherry blossoms, but part of me is dissatisfied with it. Part of me craves the warm smell of spices and of Kartik.

Maybe he'll show tonight. Maybe he will be waiting for me when I return from the Winters house. Just the thought of seeing him again fills me with hope. Hopefully I'll be seeing him soon. Hopefully I'll see him before I fall sick again.

I lift myself out of the bathtub, squeezing the excess water out of my hair. I stand in front of the mirror, loving the way my red hair falls over my breasts and down my back in wild curls. Why must women always contain themselves? Pin up our hair. Confine our bodies in a corset.

I wrap a towel around myself and call for a maid. Emily comes in to help me dress in the green silk dress that Grandmama had picked out. She yanks at the strings of my corset, pulling it so tight that I can hardly breath. But the dress fits perfectly, showing off what curves I have. It is simply lovely. I look like a dignified English woman.

To the world I am simply Gemma Doyle. Today, no one knows that I'm part of a magical realm. No one knows that I have a Blood Tie with Kartik. No one knows the real me, and for today I think I like it that way. I hope Bryce Winters will see me as a dignified young woman. After all, I am supposed to be a dignified young woman.

I sigh, twirling in the mirror. Some times I wonder what life would be like with out the magic. Would Mother still be alive? Would Pippa? Would I know Kartik? Would I be happier or would I be married off to a proper Englishman, doomed to a constricted life forever?

"Hurry along Ms. Doyle, your carriage is waiting outside."

xxx

We step out of the carriage in front of the Winters home, though it's more of a mansion then a home. I shiver as a gust of air nearly knocks me into Tom. A light snowfall blankets the lawn in white, and tiny snowflakes stick to my eyelashes and hair as I hurry toward the warm looking entryway. Every window of the house glows with welcoming light.

A maid shows us in to a living room, where Lord and Lady Winters and Bryce all stand up to greet us. I marvel at the room's lovely furnishings and the sparkling glass chandelier hanging from the ceiling. Warmth radiates from the fireplace at the other side of the room, and a delicious smell wavers in from what I hope is the kitchen.

"May I take your coat Ms. Doyle?"

"Yes, thank you Mr. Winters." Bryce Winters smiles as I hand him my coat.

"You're welcome. Call me Bryce," he gives me another charming smile, and I feel my own mouthpart in a grin.

"You may call me Gemma," I find myself saying. It seems the Winters are making me feel a bit too comfortable.

"Right this way everyone," instructs Lady Winters, leading us all into the dining room. I take a seat in front of a large table set with fine china and silverware. In the center of the table rests a huge platter of turkey. Different types of gravy and side dishes cover every spare inch of room. I slowly inhale the delicious scent of a feast.

I hear someone take a seat next to me. It's Bryce. Though the table is large, the chairs are still close together. Almost to close for comfort. I can feel the heat of his body next to me, practically burning my skin. Why am I feeling this way? I try guiltily to forget the man sitting next to me and focus my thoughts on the boring dinner conversation.

Tom and Bryce animatedly discuss a new club. The talk of the town, they say. Father is engrossed in a conversation with Mr. Winters, and I am left to listen to Grandmama and Mrs. Winters talk of quilt patterns and parties. I can see that this will be a long night.

"So Gemma," Bryce says, making me jump at the sound of his not-yet-familiar voice. "How is your school going? I hear that you attend Spence."

"Quite fine, thank you," I curse myself for how boring I sound. Apparently he has not yet realized how horrendous I am at making conversation.

"When will you be leaving? Tom said that you've only come to visit your Father upon his return from travels."

So is that what Tom's been telling people? That Father was on Vacation? I am sick of the lies. There is too many of them, and all for the sake of reputation.

"I shall be returning at the end of the week."

"Bryce old boy! Did I tell you about the other day when a patient..." Tom talks on and on about his work, but I can hardly pay attention. The only thing I can focus on is how Bryce's eyes keep flickering back to mine. I feel a warm blush rising in my cheeks, and a faint dizziness. It's quite a queer feeling, and I must wonder if it's due to Bryce's looks or...

But I can't let myself even think the other option. It would be a disaster for me to fall ill here, and who knows when I'll get to see Kartik next.

Kartik. I suddenly feel ashamed to be here. Ashamed to have these slight feelings for Bryce. It feels disloyal to Kartik. But it's only a family dinner party. At least that's what I'm going to tell myself.

"Would you care for any tea Ms. Doyle?" asks Bryce, and I am struck again by his handsomeness.

"No thank you," I murmur.

"Bryce. Why don't you show Miss. Doyle into the study. The rest of us will follow in just a moment." Suggests Lady Winters, with a mischievous twinkle in her eyes. I fear she's making wrong assumptions about my feelings for Bryce. Or is she wrong?

"Alright," he says, helping me out of my chair, "right this way Gemma."

I follow him down the hallway and into a large room filled with shelves and shelves of books. Beautiful paintings and portraits are hung on the walls, and a grand piano sits in the corner.

He sits down next to me on the couch, and I can't help but notice how unbearably close we are. Bryce makes small talk until the others come, and somehow I answer his questions with at least a bit of intelligence.

The rest of the evening passes slowly, and we finally get up to leave. Bryce helps me into my coat, and somehow I end up off to the side with him. Alone again.

"May I call on you sometime?" He asks me softly, question in his eyes. But before I can answer, before I can decline him, Tom hurries me out the door. Bryce waves a cheerful good-bye to us, and I fear he's taken my silence as a yes.

xxx

I crawl blindly into bed, my eyelids swollen closed and my head pounding painfully. My skin has grown scalding hot, and I know that violent chills will soon follow. The worst part though, is the fear. The fear that Kartik wont come in time, and I'll die here without him.

I can't say if I fell asleep or not, but sometime in the night I hear a tapping at my window. I stumble out of bed to find Kartik's face staring back at me through the window.

"Open up!" he hisses, as his breath fogs up the window. I unlock it and slide it open for him to crawl through. "Oh Gemma, I was afraid I wouldn't get here in time." He hugs me tightly, his warm arms gentle and comforting. I realize that I feel much better now just from being with him. But now feeling better is not enough. I want more.

He lets me push him gently into my bed, with me close behind. I kiss him roughly, feeling his tongue on my lips and in my throat. This time I take control, removing his clothing in a rush. I shudder with pleasure at the feel of his bare chest.

My breathing becomes quick and labored as he gently slides his fingers between my legs, thrusting himself into me. I let out a moan that is half of pain and half of delight. He cups my breasts in his hands kissing them, his lips trailing back up to my jaw. I rake my fingers down his back, biting down hard on his lower lip until I break through the skin. I taste his blood, our blood, and lap it up eagerly.

Kartik tenses up at the pain, but we're both enjoying it too much to stop.

"Just imagine if my grandmother found us like this," I giggle picturing her horrified expression.

"Shhh, or she really might," he says, then, in perfect imitation of Grandmama says, "Oh Gemma darling. Who is that stranger Gemma? Where are your cloths!"

"It shall haunt her mind forever. Such a scandal!" I add.

Kartik rolls off of me, exhausted. I feel quite naughty, with my family in perfect earshot of my room. But the danger is exhilarating.

"I'm so sorry Gemma," mumbles Kartik.

"Why are you sorry?" I ask, confused. But he doesn't answer. I turn my head towards his face, but his eyes are closed and his breathing is slow and deep. Kartik talks in his sleep!

I wait a few long moments, but his talking does not continue. Just when I'm about to give up on this new form of entertainment and try for sleep, he gasps, flinching a bit as he does so.

"Arponna," he says, sounding mystified, and I can't help the jealousy that comes at the sound of him saying another woman's name.

I place my hand on his arm, determined to do something that I'm not sure is possible. But when you dream, you are in the realms, and the realms are bound to me. I take a deep breath and focus on entering Kartik's dream. Soon I feel a small tugging, and an odd tingling sensation. But I'm there. I'm standing in his dream. And I am absolutely invisible to him.

_A younger looking Kartik is sitting on a large and beautiful bed, the sheets are weaved with silk and diamonds hang from the canopy. The bed is made of a dark wood, and shines with a glossy coating. A door opens, and Kartik smiles as an Indian woman dressed in only as short robe steps in. The robe is black and weaved with gold, yet somehow see through, showing off the woman's prominent features. Kartik smiles greedily, eyes raking over the sight before him. _

_"Nommo Ska, Arponna" he says seductively, and the woman smiles warmly, giggling a bit. They have obviously been acquainted before. _

_She climbs on top of Kartik, kissing him deeply, and her robe falls open as she leans forward. Kartik wraps one arm around her naked chest and reaches with his other to pull of her robe... _

I can't watch anymore. I find myself back in my bedroom, feeling broken, as if someone has ripped my heart right out of my chest. I don't need to see the rest of the dream to know what happens. I won't make myself suffer through it. Kartik is a liar. A fake. How can he say he loves me and then go off and have dreams about another woman.

The girl named Arponna is beautiful. Rich. Willing. Everything he could want, and they can be together without consequence. How could I be such a fool as to believe that Kartik was all mine. Stupid, stupid, Gemma!

Then I remember that he is lying right next to me. Probably still enjoying his dreams. Rage boils up inside of me, and before I can stop myself, or think of what I'm doing, I give the jerk a hard shove. The loud thump is satisfying, and I glare daggers at him as he staggers up.

"Who's Arponna?" I hiss into his wide, innocent looking eyes. But I know better. "I bet you'd rather be with her right now. Hell, anyone would rather be with her right now after seeing the mood I'm in."

"What are you talking about?"

How dare he act innocent. Like I didn't just see his dream.

"Oh nothing. I just witnessed you dream of having sex with a beautiful Indian woman. Kind of funny isn't it? Have sex with me then dream about doing it with another woman?" I snarl.

"What-"

"Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! How dare you pretend? Just leave Kartik. I'm tired of letting you break my heart." I feel the tears, hot and out of control. I hate it.

"Gemma..." he says sadly, trailing off.

I hate the way my name sounds when he says it. I hate the hurt look he gives me, as if I was the one betraying him. I hate that I've given him the power to break me. And right now, the hate is just too much.

"Get. Out." My voice is venomous.

He shakes his head before leaving just the way he came. Leaving me broken hearted and alone. I resolve never to forgive him, and I will certainly never forget his betrayal. Bitter, salty tears still roll down my face, but I stop them. I will not grieve the loss of him. But I will get revenge. If he can mess with other girls, than I can certainly court other men.

And right now, Bryce Winters seems like the perfect person to, unknowingly, help me get my revenge.

--

::hugs::

-addie

Please Review! Not to complain or anything, but the amount of reviews gets less and less each time. And lots of reviews make me want to post fast chappies! Luv ya!


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: I do not own **_**A Great and Terrible Beauty.**_

**A/N: Thanks for all of the reviews! I was so excited by them. I thought I'd be able to update sooner, but in fact I have been extremely busy. I know that's a crap-ass excuse (though true) and I am sorry for the long wait.**

xxx

I can hardly recall the love I'd felt for Kartik. Almost as if it was a dream, and I'm just now waking up to the terrible reality of our relationship. Or perhaps it was just another passing phase, fun and obsessive while it lasted, but quickly fading away with time. The excitement and wonderfully scandalous feeling we'd shared seems ages ago, so replaced by sorrow and betrayal that it's hardly real to me any more. And as for Kartik? I can't quite sort out what the blood tie tells me he's feeling. It could be confusion, but that makes no sense at all. Not that it should bother me, he is nothing more than my guardian. At least that is what I must tell myself. I can not give in to the hurt and sorrow he has caused me.

My return to Spence is a quick one, and I return in the middle of breakfast, caught by surprise when Felicity squeals, rushing over to exchange hugs and kisses. I try to act lively and joyful. I smile, laugh, and kiss her cheeks, but I feel hollow.

When we're finally alone in our break between classes, Fee turns to me, "What happened? You look awful!"

I turn away from her, not ready to answer her questions, because saying it out loud will make it real. But Fee will not be ignored. She studies my face, and the answer must be obvious.

"Something happened between you and Kartik." It's not really a question, but I feel as if I'm being interrogated.

"Yes," I reveal reluctantly, "but it's not important."

"Gemma Doyle you better tell me what happened. If it weren't for me Kartik would never have come and you'd both be dead as doornails."

Just the sound of Kartik's name causes hurt and vengeance. I feel it slicing my heart, pulling at my nerves. No matter how hard I try to convince myself that I don't miss him, I can't quite trick myself. But he _made love_ with another woman, something that I thought was for us, and for us only. That is enough to make me despise him enough to explain the dream in full to Felicity.

"He didn't!" Fee shouts indignantly, anger lighting up in her eyes like lightning, "If that dirty gypsy boy ever shows his face to me again I swear I'll rip his skin right off his back."

Her hands clench in angry fists, and it feels a bit like a weight off my back to tell her about my problems. But as angry as I am, I still have to resist the urge to defend him, to tell Fee that he is not just some dirty gypsy boy.

"What are you going to do Gem? You can only go so long without seeing him."

My stomach churns at the thought of having to face him again. But Felicity is right, I will have to see him. I will have to kiss him, love him. But that doesn't mean I have to care about him.

xxx

Being back at Spence has done one good thing for my situation. I don't have to worry about unwanted surprises, or jack-asses like Kartik. It's the same routine every day, breakfast, then classes. Dinner, then classes. Supper, then bed.

I stir my soup restlessly with my spoon, not particularly hungry. When Bridget comes bustling in carrying a bouquet of roses, I hardly think anything of it. Of course, they are absolutely gorgeous, their petals snow white and delicate. _Who ever is getting those flowers is a lucky girl. _But to my surprise Bridget hands them to me, proudly saying, "They was dropped off fer you."

Almost immediately giggling girls surround me. It's not every day that a Spence girl is delivered flowers. They watch my every move as I curiously open the small note attached to them. Who could possibly be sending me flowers? A small voice in the back of my head brings Kartik's name to my mind. But then I remember: Kartik doesn't love me. And he'd never dare to send flowers if he did.

In neat handwriting, the card read:

Dearest Gemma, I hope the roses brighten up your day. They smell wonderful, and reminded me of you. I certainly haven't forgotten my promise to call on you soon. Love,

Bryce Winters 

"He said love!" One girl sighs. Others giggle and whisper among them selves, but I can hardly hear it. My heart swells with joy, and it's the happiest I've felt in a long while. Bryce sent me flowers! Hardly something that Kartik would ever do. It is perfect. I can enjoy the attention from Bryce, and make Kartik jealous. A small bit of my conscience warns me of how horrid it is to do such a thing to Bryce. But I have learned to ignore it.

"What are you smirking about?" asks a miffed Cecily.

"She probably feels superior to the rest of us now that she's got a caller," Chimes in Martha.

"Hardly," I say, feigning nonchalance, "Are you jealous?"

I hurry out of the room, Fee close at my side. She'll want to know all about Bryce I'm sure. I suppose I am being a bit cocky, but it feels good.

"Who is Bryce Winters?" hisses Fee, raising her eyebrows and fully expecting an answer.

"An acquaintance of my brothers. We had diner at his house." I say in an unconcerned voice, as if I always have flowers sent to me. I know it taunts her.

"Love, Bryce Winters," she says, referring to the letter, "I'd say you're a bit more than acquaintances."

This makes me blush a bit, but I ignore her, quickening my pace a bit.

"You like him don't you," she exclaims, wagging her eyebrows with excitement, "You _want_ him."

"Oh yes," I say, playing along in a sarcastic voice, "Our scandal shall be the juiciest gossip. Everyone will be talking about how a romance blossomed out of a few white rose buds."

We break down in laughter as we make our way to French. We burst into the classroom, flushed and giggling, and deliberately ignoring annoyed looks from the others.

"Do share what you're laughing about," Elizabeth whines.

Fee shoots me an amused look before replying. "You wouldn't understand it, but even if you did, what's the fun in sharing it? It's much more fun to watch you pout."

I laugh despite myself, trying not the think about all the times she'd said the same sort of thing to me. It's nice to be on Fee's side.

xxx

I didn't realize it would happen so soon. My fever has begun to break out, and it has never been less welcome. Rage, pure and steaming rises in my chest. This is all Kartik's fault. He's the one who gave me this curse, so _he_ should be the one who has to pay for it. I band my fist down on my nightstand in anger, wincing at the pain it brings. My anger is rising out of control, and it's too late to stop it. He did this to me too. He changed me, and not for the better. He stole my heart, and now all that's left is wild fury.

xxx - **Kartik** - xxx

I don't even bother to light a fire tonight. The cold can hardly add to my misery. It's not good enough for Gemma to punish me for what happened the other night; I have to punish myself too. I want my Gemma back, and I love her, even though she hates me. I just wish I understood _why_ she's angry. I have done nothing wrong, yet the hurt that had shown in her eyes had made me feel guilty, and I can't shake the feeling.

And who is the woman she asked about? Why should I know her?

I hardly notice the thud of someone's footsteps behind me until I feel someone pulling me harshly up from the ground. I am whirled around so that I face the persons fiery stare and green eyes wild with furry.

"Gem"- but I am cut off by her lips, roughly and mercilessly pushing against mine. Her tongue darts down my throat, and I can't keep myself from gagging. When she finally wrenches away, her hard eyes stare murderously into mine. I'd thought for a moment that I'd been forgiven. But now I know that that was a foolish wish. It's the same old Gemma, but yet she has changed. Bold, ruthless, and her heart is full of pent up anger. I can feel it.

We are standing so close I can feel her hot breath on my face. Her expression seems to soften, and then she pushes me hard, sending me sprawling to the ground.

"You two-faced bastard!" She screams. There's a crazed look about her, and it's frightening.

"I don't even know what you're angry with me," I shout, trying to defend myself, and talk some sense into Gemma.

"Don't know?" she hisses, "You don't need to lie to me. I saw it all. I saw her pretty features. She had you completely mesmerized. I don't want to hear your excuses."

She grabs at my shirt, ripping it off and scraping at my skin. "Let's just get this over with."

At first I don't understand what she means, but in an instant her hands are at my waist, removing my pants in panicked frenzy. I touch my finger to her cheek, and find that her flesh is burning with fever. She melts at my touch, her breath coming out in short gasps before she collapses on the ground. Her chest heaves with sobs, and I consider leaving her there, broken and crying, but instead I untie her dress. There's no use prolonging what must be done, and she is already ill and crazed.

"Gemma, you've got to cooperate." I cry, frustrated by her lack of movement. She slowly rolls over into a submissive position, allowing me to gently rock into her, until I'm inside. Her fever diminishes, and color returns to her pale cheeks and lips. Her lack of emotion hurts, but I can't help feeling as if I deserve it for whatever I did to upset her so.

She looks so helpless when I look in her eyes, and I can feel her deep resentment towards me. Her once beautiful green eyes are red and puffy. She isn't protesting to my decision, but I feel like I'm raping her.

Sighing, I leave her and crawl into my tent. What have I done? Gemma and I were so happy together. She used to love me, but now she seems empty, and it feels like I'm the one responsible. I look out at her through the cracks of the tent, and she is still lying motionless on the ground, making no move to leave. I'd almost believe she were dead if it weren't for the terrible sobs cutting right into my heart.

xxx

**Please Review! It would be very much appreciated! **

**Also, I just recently got a livejournal. The link is thistapedheart dot livejournal dot com and it can also be found on my profile. But you should totally come friend me and say if you're from fanfiction so that I can post info about it if I need to. 3**

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	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer: I do not own A Great and Terrible Beauty

**Disclaimer: I do not own A Great and Terrible Beauty. (No matter how much I wish I did.)**

A/N: Sorry for another LONG wait. I have been so busy…and it turns out I do have a life outside of fan fiction,  lol. There will be (Internet translated) French in this, and I am sorry if it is not correct. English will be next to it in Italics anyway, so please don't be frustrated by my poor French.

I do realize that this is getting kind of depressing, and hopefully things will be looking up for Gemma soon. (no promises though) :-D

Chapter 13

Boredom, emptiness. These are the words I'd use to describe feelings, and I find myself craving Kartik's company. Why can I not get over him? Felicity is sick of my moping, and yet I can't let myself enjoy much of anything as of late.

"Miss Doyle! Tu faites-es même l'attention ?" _Are you even paying attention?_ Mademoiselle LeFarge calls out, startling me from my thoughts. Martha and Cecily snicker, and I feel my face flush red.

"Appréciez-vous le boum?" _Are you enjoying the party? _ LeFarge asks again, repeating her question.

_What party?_ I ask myself at first, before remembering that this is simply an exercise. One that I'm failing. "Oui, très beaucoup." _Yes, very much._

LeFarge nods, though her expression is one of disapproval. Fee gives me a sharp elbow in the back, and I turn around in my seat to face her. She frowns in worry, and asks, "Are you alright. You've seemed kind of out of it…"

I nod, reassuring her that I'm fine. But it is such a lie. Of course I'm not all right. I'm a sorry mess. To full of my own self pity to function properly. It is not just Felicity I've been lying to though. It is mainly myself. I keel telling myself that I don't care about Kartik, that I don't miss him. But it is no use. We've been through too much together, and my love for him was to great to be forgotten in a matter of days.

The clock chimes loudly, startling me. It rings out six times, its sound filling the entirety of Spence. There is only an hour until dinner, and a free period in between. I make my way up to my room, practically swept away in the swarm of students. I can hardly wait to get to my warm bed and a good book.

"Gemma dearie, you 'ave a visitor. Says 'is name's Bryce Winters."

"Bloody hell," I murmur, only loud enough for me to hear. I am so done with men. But if I am to get my revenge, I've got to play the courting game with Bryce.

"Why don' you go freshen up a bit, I'll tell 'im yer commin'"

Glancing in the mirror, I nearly do a double take. The girl in the mirror looks nothing like me. He eyes are dull and lifeless, her skin sickly pale, and strands of her hair lay limply down her face. I frown, and so does the face in the mirror. It really is me. I confess that I am disappointed at this new person I've turned into.

I pin up my hair again, and pinch at my cheeks, trying desperately to get some color in them. I smile shakily, and try my best to look care free and happy before I head down stairs to visit with Bryce.

"Good day Miss Doyle!" Bryce cries out to me cheerfully. His eyes seem to light up when I walk in the room. He's holding a _huge_ bouquet of white roses. I walk over and curtsey slightly, feeling a bit overwhelmed by all of the formality.

"For you, Gemma," He says, handing me the flowers.

"Thank you, they smell lovely," I say, deeply inhaling the fresh scent. We stand awkwardly, neither of us knowing what do say or do next.

"Why don't we go for a turn about the court yard," Mrs. Nightwing suggests. I hadn't even noticed her there, but I am grateful for her intrusion.

Bryce holds out his arm, and I take it, feeling as if I could fly about the room. Something about his jolly nature is contagious. We walk gracefully out into the courtyard. It is filled with blossoming flowers and fresh cool air. Mrs. Nightwing trails protectively behind us, never letting us out of eyesight or ear shot together.

I glance up at the school, to find the windows filled with faces watching us walk about the gardens. I remember the time when I had spied out the window on Pippa, and now I know how she must have felt. Envied. For once I feel as if some one actually is jealous of Gemma Doyle. I can't say this knowledge isn't a shock.

Bryce must have noticed my amused smile, because he asks, "What is it you're smiling about?"

I gesture up at the windows where girls eagerly spy on us, and Bryce follows my gaze, winking at the giggling girls above. "It must just be my good looks," He laughs. And I find myself laughing with him. "Or perhaps it's your stunning beauty."

My face flushes a bit and I hit him playfully.

"Or maybe we're simply too cute a couple to pass up!" He suggests, again, more serious this time.

I force a small chuckle, not knowing how to respond to such a bold statement. Is he serious? Or is it another joke? If he has noticed my hesitation, he doesn't show if, for he keeps walking, telling a story about one of his hunting trips.

I try to pay attention to him, but find myself completely distracted. Something isn't right…

_I'm in a field. A beautiful field filled with flowers of every kind. The grass is bright green, and soft under my bare feet. In the distance I can see Kartik. I run for him, eager for his strong arms and warm embrace. When I reach him, he pulls me in for a kiss. But I sense that something is not right. His lips are ice cold; his eyes are a terrifying blue-white. I pull away from him, and see that it is no longer Kartik I was kissing, but Amar. His too sharp teeth cut into my lips, and I can't break away…_

"Oh thank goodness yer finally awake! I 'oped you'd wake up soon."

I crack open my eyes to find Bridget fretting over me, removing a cold cloth from my forehead.

"What happened?" I ask confused. Why am I lying on a cot? Then I remember the vision…and Bryce Winters.

"Oh no! Mr. Winters!" I shout immediately alarmed.

"Don't worry about him. You fainted, probably from the heat."

I let out a sigh of relief. At least I didn't have a fit, or go crazy, or start my monthly cycle. Just a little faint. Girls in the theatre do it all of the time.

But what is my vision about? It certainly is not the first time I've had it, yet it is still as puzzling as ever. A chill runs down my spine. The realms are still dangerous I am sure. It could be nothing, or everything. And then there's the vision I'd had long ago with Kartik, of Circe on her throne of ice. I almost forgot about that. I thought I'd killed her, but perhaps she is not stuck in the well as I've thought. Perhaps she's been gaining power while I've been moping about Kartik.

_The Realms_. I haven't visited them in ages. I wouldn't know if they were peaceful or in utter destruction. A sense of dread fills my stomach with bricks. I've got to go. I know that Fee will come with me, she's been begging to see them anyway.

I stand up quickly, staggering a bit at finding myself suddenly upright.

"Wot are you up to? Lay back down this instant," Screeches an indignant Bridget.

"Sorry Bridget. I'll be fine. There's-there's something I've got to attend to," I say, backing out the door. As soon as I'm out of sight, I dash up the stair way to our room, taking two steps at a time, and nearly tripping in my anticipation.

I burst into the room, and Felicity nearly jumps out of her chair. "Really Gemma, there's no need to barge in so loudly." She looks at me crossly, but I don't have the time to deal with her right now.

"We need to go to the realms. I've just had a vision, and I'm worried." I spit out in one breath.

Fee finally similes, "Well its about time. Though I doubt that anything is the matter with the realms. Don't you remember how gorgeous it was last time?"

I nod my head, hoping to god that the realms are fine. _But you saw Circe._ Say's a tiny voice in the back of my head, and I know that as long as she's alive the realms cannot be safe. "We'll meet in the caves at midnight," I say finally.

Fee and I tiptoe out of our room, and I half expect Pippa and Ann to be following, giggling behind us. But of course, it is only Felicity and I. This knowledge reminds me again of just how long it's been since I visited the realms. Part of me is eager to see them again, and the other part is apprehensive of what I may find when we get there.

The caves are just as I remember them, the primitive yet beautiful carvings in the stone, and the rock that we used to hide the wine we used for our ceremonies. The two of us hold hands, and for a moment, as I concentrate on summoning the door, I can feel our feelings come together, uniting us in such a strong hope that I can hardly keep hold of her hand. Finally, the door appears, and we step through into the realms that we know so well, and yet, seem unknown to us.

If anything is out of place, it is not noticeable to either of us. Everything seems as magical and lovely as we left it so long ago. My heart swells with joy and I grab Fee's hands twirling her around and around until we can no longer hang on, and collapse in a dizzy heap. We lay on our stomachs on the soft, sweet smelling grass. I blow gently on the green blades, and watch with pleasure as they transform into the most perfect roses I've ever seen. How could I have thought anything would be wrong in a place like this?

"Oh Gemma, I've missed the realms so much," says Felicity, her eyes sparkling. "And you look so much happier here too! This is the first time I've seen color in your cheeks since"- _Kartik_ but she stops herself, -"well it's been weeks."

I smile softly, "I miss him."

Fee ignores me, as I should have expected, for she doesn't understand how I could still care for him. "Let's go wade in the river!" She suggests, hiking up her skirts and running strait into the water. I follow her into the cool water, not bothering to keep my skirts from getting wet. The water is so refreshing, I dunk my head under, letting the cool water wash around my face.

"Felicity," I call, and she turns toward me. I muster a mischievous grin and point to the water. "Look at that."

She bends down to see what I'm pointing at, and I push her under. But crime always gets it's punishment, and its not long before we're wresting each other, trying to dunk the other girl. It's been so long since I've felt this happy and carefree, and it's as if the cool shining water is washing away the old, gloomy me. I'm fresh and new, and not about to let sadness touch me again.

"I suppose we ought to get back now, shouldn't we?" I ask, not truly wanting to leave, but knowing that we must eventually go.

"I suppose we should," Fee answers just as reluctantly.

We are laying on a hammock in the garden, lazily swinging back and forth, listening to the songs of the fairies, merrily buzzing about.

"Fee – there's one more thing that I'd like to do before we leave," I say, wondering if this is really or good idea or if it will only bring me grief. "I want to go visit the shattered runes." I finish, thinking of my mother.

"Of course," Fee says understandingly, "but you know your mother won't be back."

I know that she's saying it as gently as possible, but it stings never the less. I get up to go, and Felicity follows.

"Alone?" I ask, not wanting it to be anyone but my memories and me.

She opens her mouth as if to protest, but shuts it again and nods for me to go.

As I trudge up the hill to where the shattered runes still lay, my thoughts are only on my mother. The green eyes and red hair that I inherited from her, the way she wanted to protect me from the magic. And of course the part of her that was Mary Dowd – a daring and loving young lady who made a few terrible mistakes.

Before I realize it, I am crying, my tears blurring my vision and scorching my cheeks. And through the tears I see the silhouette of a woman at the top of the hill, where the runes used to be.

I close my eyes and wipe away the tears. The woman must be my imagination acting up. I open my eyes again, but she's still there. Could it be my mother? I immediately dismiss the thought, _your mother is dead._ I remind myself. But I can't stop my heart from hoping.

I run the rest of the way up the hill, heart hammering in my chest, but not from the running. It's because of the possibilities that the mysterious figure brings.

Finally I can make out the woman's face – and I stop dead in my tracks. This is not my mother, but I know this woman. It is my once beloved teacher Miss Moore. Circe.

**Please Review! I have to admit it's getting hard to keep interest in writing this story, so it would **_**really**_** help if you all showered me with reviews. I'll try hard to get the next chappie up sooner than I did this one. Love you peeps!**

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